I’m a fan of many things. Freedom, justice for all, the good ‘ol American way, things like that. That “American way” encompasses many things; one of those things, thankfully is the fat guy touchdown.
It’s really not that hard of a prospect to grasp, I like watching large human beings score touchdowns.
Offensive and defensive linemen are the most unsung heroes of every football team. They put their bodies on the line play in and play out, smashing into each other in the trench warfare that is an integral part of every down. Every once and awhile they get their moment in the sun when a coach pulls them from the sideline and thrusts them at the fullback or tight end spot usually.
You’ll remember 303-pound Warren Sapp, who in 2003 scored one of the more memorable touchdowns in fat guy TD history when quarterback Brad Johnson connected with him in the end zone for a six yard score. In the college ranks, most recently Notre Dame nose guard Louis Nix scored on a two-point conversion for the fighting Irish in their spring game. Nix checks in at 340-pounds, it was a picture perfect fat guy score. So who do I want to see most score a fat guy touchdown for Florida this season?
5.) Center Jonotthan Harrison | 302-pounds
Look, I know Harrison is the starting center, but suspend reality with me for a second. Harrison is a senior, the seasoned veteran has played 39 games and has 27 starts to his name. He was named to the 2012 Rimington award watch list — an award honoring the nation’s best center. Harrison’s a quiet guy, but his workman like captaincy of the Florida offensive line should be rewarded with a touchdown.
4.) Guard Jon Halapio | 315-pounds
33 career starts in 41 games played makes Florida’s right guard the most experienced on the Gators’ offensive line. Halapio is a guy that has battled many injuries, in 2009 he received a medical redshirt after suffering a shoulder injury in the middle of the year. In 2010, he recovered in a big way to play in 12 games at right guard, starting in seven and earning a spot on the SEC all-freshman team. The one game he missed against Mississippi St. was thanks to a severe finger injury. Halapio broke a finger against LSU earlier that year. This most recent offseason, Halapio underwent arthroscopic knee surgery, limiting his contact early in spring practice. Additionally, Halapio suffered a partially torn pectoral muscle which has sidelined him for the duration of fall camp so far. Halapio also got engaged to his high school sweetheart over the summer. With a marriage looming and a career of injuries hopefully behind him, why not a touchdown for the big guy, think of that hair bouncing into the end zone.
3.) Defensive tackle Darious Cummings | 309-pounds
Besides his size, which makes him perfectly suited for a fat guy touchdown, think of his nickname, “Bear,” — seriously, he’s even listed in Florida’s media guide with “Bear” between his first and last names. I may be 20 years old but I have an appreciation for the history of the fat guy TD, and one of the most historic ones in football history was scored by 325-pound Chicago Bears defensive tackle William “Refrigerator” Perry in Super Bowl XX. The fact that the Fridge scored a touchdown and one of the greatest running backs of all time — teammate Walter Payton — did not in that game, is a seminal moment in the history of fat guy TDs. Should Cummings get the opportunity to score this season, it would be a link from Bear to Bear in the history of fat guy TDs.
2.) Offensive tackle Trenton Brown | 363-pounds
Yup, he’s every pound as big when you see this mountain of a man in person. It may be a bit of a task to open a hole big enough for Brown to run through, but the hilarity of watching Brown bust through the offensive line to score a touchdown would be worth more than the price of admission. Besides, no matter how slow he may be moving, would anyone be crazy enough to get in his way if he got a head of steam?
1.) Defensive tackle Dominique Easley | 283-pounds
Look, he may be a little light compared to the other men on this list but he’s my No.1 because of the histrionics involved with an Easley score. When you watch that video of Warren Sapp scoring, the best part of it is Sapp’s Beyonce dance in the end zone. Easley has the potential to do an Irish Step Dance in the end zone for all we know. He might be the most unique personality on Florida’s roster, he talks to a Chucky Doll, watches cartoons instead of football and doesn’t know who Bear Bryant is. He also loves to dance. He showed Tv20’s Kassidy Hill his moves here, and showed the world his moves on the sideline here. Let Easley get in the endzone and watch fun ensue.
I’m a former — really bad — high school offensive lineman, so I know how it feels to watch the little guys score while you do all the dirty work. Linemen are typically a humble bunch across the board, content to toil while others experience the glory as they either block for them or take on the blocks allowing for others to make tackles and run back interceptions for TDs.
But sometimes something magical happens. A big man’s number is called on, they’re inserted at a skill position, and one of the most beautiful things the sport has to offer is presented for our consumption as football fans: the fat guy touchdown.