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Priceless Quotes

Discussion in 'RayGator's Swamp Gas' started by wargunfan, Aug 25, 2021.

  1. wargunfan

    wargunfan GC Hall of Fame

    Jan 6, 2010
    Inside your head.
    A laugh or two to brighten your day.

    Don Meredith, Dallas Cowboy
    Quarterback once said: “Coach Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he was married to Raquel Welch, he would expect her to cook.”

    Harry Neale, professional hockey coach: "Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play.”

    Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver: "Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch."

    Doug Sanders, professional golfer: "I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect."

    Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers pitcher: "All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'"

    Tommy LaSorda , L A Dodgers manager: "I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad I'm having them."

    E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations: "My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget."

    Vic Braden, tennis instructor: "My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good.”

    Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: "I don't know. I only played there for nine years."

    John Breen, Houston Oilers: "We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.”

    Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons:"The film looks suspiciously like the game itself."

    Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher: “When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo."

    Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon: “Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day."

    Lou Holtz , Arkansas football coach: "I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball."

    Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game: "I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday."

    Bill Walton, Portland Trail Blazers: "I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is when they do the operation on someone else, not you."

    George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores: "Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash."

    Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach: "The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday."

    And you thought Yogi was the only one whose mind worked this way.
    • Funny x 28
    • Like x 12
    • Fistbump/Thanks! x 7
    • Winner x 7
    • Best Post Ever x 1
  2. tilly

    tilly Superhero Mod. Fast witted. Bulletproof posts. Moderator VIP Member

    Good stuff! :)
    • Agree Agree x 5
  3. Heisenberg

    Heisenberg All American

    Jan 10, 2014
    North Mississippi
    I love the McKay quote about the execution of his offense. What was that one?
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. TWGator

    TWGator GC Hall of Fame

    Apr 8, 2007
    Viera, FL
    Asked about the execution of his offense, McKay reportedly said, "I'm in favor of it."
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 3
    • Fistbump/Thanks! Fistbump/Thanks! x 1
  5. reaves2alvarez

    reaves2alvarez Senior

    Nov 29, 2016
    Great stuff! Brightened my day! Thank you!

    “Wes Chandler was Percy Harvin before Percy Harvin was born.”
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. g8orbill

    g8orbill Old Gator Moderator VIP Member

    Apr 3, 2007
    Clermont, Fl
    Funny stuff
    • Agree Agree x 2
  7. og8trz

    og8trz VIP Member

    Apr 3, 2007
    On McKay’s coaches show there was a play where the Bucs’ RB fumbled the ball through the end zone resulting in a touchback.

    A Bucs’ OL was standing at the goal line with both arms extending skyward assuming a TD.

    McKay said there is one of our OL looking like the Italian Army in WWII! Tampa’s Italian Club wasn’t fond of the remark, but in those days people didn’t file frivolous lawsuits!
    • Funny Funny x 2
  8. stp_gator

    stp_gator All American

    Nov 16, 2017
    St. Pete
    One of my favorites…

    Lou Holtz's first head coaching job was at The College of William and Mary. After a particularly embarrassing loss, the press asked him why he thought they lost the game. "We had too many Marys and not enough Williams out there today."
    • Funny Funny x 8
  9. Crusher

    Crusher GC Hall of Fame

    Apr 19, 2007
    I'm sure that many posters here do not recall that Doug was a Gator Golfer in the 1950's.
    • Informative Informative x 6
  10. UF24ou14

    UF24ou14 GC Hall of Fame

    Apr 19, 2009
    John McKay also had a statement that I'm kinda sorta paraphrasing, "The offense wasn't good today, but the defense made up for it by being terrible."
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  11. 4everaGator

    4everaGator GC Hall of Fame

    Aug 3, 2010
    Central Florida
    Great quotes! Very funny!
    Tommy LaSorda - LOL: "I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad I'm having them."

    Yogi Berra has a few great ones too. I like: "Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical"

    edit: I hope it's ok to post a baseball quote here in Swampgas if it fits in with an existing thread.
    • Funny Funny x 5
    • Like Like x 2
  12. homer

    homer GC Hall of Fame

    Nov 2, 2015
    Yogi. People don’t go there any more because it’s too crowded.
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • Fistbump/Thanks! Fistbump/Thanks! x 1
  13. insuragator

    insuragator Premium Member

    Apr 3, 2007
    Ha Ha I was going to post that. One of the greats.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Fistbump/Thanks! Fistbump/Thanks! x 1
  14. Go2gtr

    Go2gtr GC Hall of Fame

    Apr 8, 2007
    Lou Holtz on coaching at Arkansas: Fayetteville is not the end of the earth, but you can see it from there.
    • Funny Funny x 5
  15. mkfgator

    mkfgator GC Legend

    Aug 28, 2019
    These are all awesome. I'll have to use them at my next party.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Creative Creative x 1
  16. SJB612

    SJB612 GC Hall of Fame

    Apr 12, 2007
    Man, I needed a laugh today. Thanks!
    • Agree Agree x 1
  17. shelbygt350

    shelbygt350 GC Hall of Fame

    Apr 3, 2007
    Mickey Mantle: If I had known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

    John McKay: asked by Owner Hugh Culverhouse who is the most important player on the ? McKay said: Doug Williams. HC said: No, Leroy Selmon. Not funny but true.

    Some un-named coach about Terry Bradshaw: He can't spell cat if you spot him the c and the t.

    Bobby Bowden, on highlight show, when RB Greg Allen fumbled the ball: "He was carrying it like a watermelon" Today Bobby would be canceled.

    McKay: I got a 5 year contract. So I have a 5 year plan. If I had a 3 year contract, I'd have a 3 year plan.

    McKay when he cut ex fsu kicker Billy Capece: Capece is kaput.

    McKay pre game speech to winless 1976 team: Where does losing begin? OL guy in back of room yelled "Here"

    Ron Zook before coaching UF in any game: We're going to grease up the run game.

    McKay when asked about a player picked up from waivers, a NT named Mike Charles: He's a tub of goo.
    • Funny Funny x 2
  18. tegator80

    tegator80 GC Hall of Fame

    May 29, 2007
    Richmond, VA
    Not a true quote but one of my favorites to use...for obvious reasons.

  19. homer

    homer GC Hall of Fame

    Nov 2, 2015
    I had a buddy from work that used to tell me “It’s the same thing only different”

    When we played racketball and he got a point he would tell me “I’ve got one in a row”
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. Zepgator

    Zepgator GC Legend

    Oct 18, 2010
    Other McKay classics:
    “Our offense couldn’t score against a stiff breeze.”
    During his weekly tv show when asked about trade talks for Dave Stalls who wanted more $ or to be traded, McKay said while smoking a cigar “So far nobody has offered us a donut for Dave Stalls”.
    • Funny Funny x 1