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Aggie Jokes (Somebody Had to Do It)

Discussion in 'RayGator's Swamp Gas' started by thatguy, Oct 5, 2020.

  1. thatguy

    thatguy Moderator VIP Member

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    • How do you keep an Aggie busy on the web?
    click here
    • Why did the Aggie get rid of his freezer?
    He got tired of cutting the ice into little squares to fit into the trays.
    • What's the best selling underarm deodorant in College Station?
    Raid.
    • Why can't Aggie farmers raise chickens?
    They plant the eggs too deep.
    • There was an aggie that saw a sign that said "Wet Cement". So he did.
    • How many aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?
    Three. One to eat it and two to watch the road.

    • What do Aggies call road kill armadillo?
    Possum on the half shell.
    • There was an Aggie who wore the same pair of socks every day. His mother finally told him to put on a new pair of socks every day. A few days later, he couldn't put his shoes on.
    • Why do TEXAS A&M graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
    To justify their handicapped parking.
    • What do you get when you breed a ground hog and an
      TEXAS A&M football player?
    Six more weeks of bad football.
    • How many TEXAS A&M freshmen does it take to change
      a light bulb?
    None, it's a second year course.
    • How do you get an TEXAS A & M graduate off your porch?
    Pay him for the pizza.
    • The TEXAS A & M football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?'.....All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal," they shouted with pride.
    • A TEXAS A&M football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
    • What are the best four years of a TEXAS A&M student's life?
    Third grade.
    • Dear Boss;
      I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year (year 2000). The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk
    • Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Kyle Field?
    Two poor Aggies drowned at a game last year.
    • Did you hear about the skeleton they just found in an old building at College Station?
    It was the 1938 hide and seek champion.
    • Why don't Aggies eat barbecue beans?
    Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
    • Why don't Aggies use 911 in an emergency?
    Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.
    • How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
    He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
    • Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M. The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
    • An Aggie happens across a professor who is staring intently into an aquarium. The Aggie, says, "Professor, what are you doing?" The professor answers, "I'm attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. Umm, why don't you try it!" The Aggie, certain of his ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, his eyes start bugging and his mouth makes a little 'o' shape like he's pushing water through his gills.
    • An aggie sees his boss having trouble with the shredder. The aggie helps out, by taking the boss's documents and shredding them. The Boss says, "Oh! That's how it works. Now get me 500 copies made before my meeting today."
    • Some Aggies decide to go ice fishing, so they grab their gear and get a saw for the ice. They go to the ice and start sawing a hole when the hear a resounding voice from above "There are no fish there." So, they move over to another spot and start sawing again. Again they hear the voice "There are no fish there." Again they moved and started sawing away. For a third time they hear the voice "There are no fish there." In frustration they throw down their tools, look up and ask "Who is that?" To which the voice responds "This is the manager of the Houston Galleria."
    • An aggie engineering student was so relieved to get a summer internship he didn't care that he would be painting highway stripes for the DOT. The first day, he painted 10 miles of stripes. The foreman was impressed. His second day on the job, the aggie only painted two miles of stripes. Since he had done so well his first day, the foreman decided to excuse his lack-luster performance. The third day, the aggie only painted one mile worth of stripes. The foreman thought this was inexcusable and asked the aggie, "What's the deal? Your first day you did so well. The second day was not so good. Today, you did less work than I did." The frustrated aggie replied, "I'm sorry boss, the bucket just keeps getting farther and farther away!"
    • Did you hear about the Aggie who died at the drive in theater?
    He went to see "Closed for Season".
    • One day, an Aggie, a longhorn and cow were stranded on a desert island when they found a genie lamp. The genie said, "Run over to the edge of the cliff and when you do, you will be transformed into the thing you say." The cow ran and yelled, "Bird" and he flew off. Then the longhorn jumps and says, "Plane" and flies off. Then the aggie runs and trips over a rock and says ,"Oh Shit"
    • What do you do if an aggie throws a grenade at you?
    Pull the pin and throw it back.
    • A Rice Owl, a Longhorn, and an Aggie are running from the law and all three duck into a warehouse with the cops right on their trail. Before the cops reach the warehouse, all three find a place to hide. The cops walk in and come up to a crate. They kick the crate and the Owl who’s inside goes, “Woof, Woof.” The cops say it’s just a dog and move on to a crate, which the Longhorn is hiding in. The cops kick the crate and the Longhorn goes, “Meow, Meow,” and the cops think that it’s only a cat. Finally the cops come up to a sack that the Aggie is hiding in. The cops kick the sack and the Aggie responds in a deep, slow voice, “Po-ta-toe”.
    • The were three aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled, "Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?" One of the aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"
    • Did you hear about the aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus?
    He burned his lip on the tailpipe
    • How many aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One, but he gets 3 hours credit.
    • Did you know that Adam was an aggie?
    He had to be because he was eating an apple while sitting next to a naked lady.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2020
    • Funny Funny x 1