World Governments respond to Syria - Hysterical..

Discussion in 'Too Hot for Swamp Gas' started by mocgator, Sep 4, 2013.

  1. mocgator
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    mocgator Well-Known Member

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    This is supposedly from John Cleese... either way it's hysterical...

    "The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

    -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person.
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  2. orangeblueorangeblue
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    orangeblueorangeblue Well-Known Member

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  3. mocgator
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    mocgator Well-Known Member

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  4. wgbgator
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    wgbgator Sub-optimal Poster Premium Member

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    Don't need really google though, the real John Cleese isn't a huge hack dealing in lazy cliches and tepid jokes like whoever wrote the article.
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  5. wgbgator
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    wgbgator Sub-optimal Poster Premium Member

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    You never expect the Spanish Inquisition, but I do expect chain e-mails to be falsely attributed.
  6. GatorBen
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    GatorBen Well-Known Member

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    I see the standards for "hysterical" have evidently been revised without my knowledge.
  7. orangeblueorangeblue
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    orangeblueorangeblue Well-Known Member

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    The Australian one was especially cringe-worthy.
  8. malligator
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    malligator Well-Known Member

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    Yeah. I might have almost believed it was Cleese until the Australian turd.
  9. mocgator
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    mocgator Well-Known Member

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    I laughed out loud.

    Comedy gold.

    Satire is best when it's based on truth.
  10. orangeblueorangeblue
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    orangeblueorangeblue Well-Known Member

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    ...

    It's true, Australians are constantly canceling "barbies." Great satire. Could have thrown in some Awesome Blossom references, but otherwise stellar, biting, witty satire.
  11. GatorBen
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    GatorBen Well-Known Member

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    What exactly is it satire of? You could run a search and replace on the words "Syria" and "terrorists", fill in anything else you felt like, and still have the exact same joke.

    Typical of chain-emails, it's just a collection of old, not terribly funny jokes that may have been entertaining around the same time that people actually thought Bill Gates was going to send them $1,000 for forwarding an email.
  12. orangeblueorangeblue
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    orangeblueorangeblue Well-Known Member

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    I'm having a hard time picturing someone actually laughing out loud from that email.
  13. wgbgator
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    wgbgator Sub-optimal Poster Premium Member

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    The dead on nature of the Australian satire made me think it was authored by Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan, or possibly Yahoo Serious.
  14. wgbgator
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    wgbgator Sub-optimal Poster Premium Member

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    You just need to picture an elderly shut-in who is well versed in ethnic stereotypes.
  15. dadx4
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    dadx4 Well-Known Member

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    I think they are getting lost on the satire of it. :laugh:
  16. mocgator
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    mocgator Well-Known Member

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    Some people here need to go home and have a drink.
  17. g8rjd
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    g8rjd Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    ;)
  18. DaveFla
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    DaveFla Well-Known Member

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    Wow. Some of you really, REALLY need to get a life.. And FAST.

    You're criticizing moc over the source of a joke? Really? Google? Are you serious?
  19. DaveFla
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    DaveFla Well-Known Member

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    /liberal nuance at its finest.

    But that Jon Stewart is hysterical, right?

    Amazing.
  20. GatorBen
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    GatorBen Well-Known Member

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    There's nothing liberal or conservative about it, it's just not a very funny joke...

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