The Female Point System

Discussion in 'The GatorTail Pub' started by kurt_borglum, Sep 13, 2013.

  1. kurt_borglum
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    kurt_borglum VIP Member

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    The Female Demerit System

    In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

    Here is a guide to the point system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES:
    You make the bed (+1)
    You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
    You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)...
    ... but return with Beer (-5)
    You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
    You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
    You pummel it with an iron rod (+10)
    It's her pet (-50)

    SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:
    You stay by her side the entire party (0)
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
    Named Tina (-10)
    Tina is a dancer (-20)
    Tina has silicone implants (-80)

    HER BIRTHDAY:
    You take her out to dinner (+2)
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
    Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
    And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
    It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

    A NIGHT OUT:
    You take her to a movie (+1)
    You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
    You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
    You take her to a movie you like (-2)
    It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

    YOUR PHYSIQUE:
    You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

    THE BIG QUESTION:
    She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
    You hesitate in responding (-10)
    You reply, "Where?" (-35)
    Any other response (-20)

    COMMUNICATION:
    When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
    You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
    She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)


    AIN'T IT THE TRUTH!!! This is 33 years of marital (or is it martial) bliss talking...
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  2. mh2os
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    mh2os VIP Member

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    This document should be madatory in all pre-marital counseling. If understood, it'd cut substantially in the divorce rate. It might also cut into the rate of couples getting married to begin with.
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  3. Wuerffel5220
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    Wuerffel5220 GC Hall of Famer VIP Member

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    Nice. You keep a running tally of the current score for you?
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  4. dadx4
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    dadx4 Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't agree more.
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  5. kurt_borglum
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    kurt_borglum VIP Member

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    I don't think negative numbers go low enough to reflect my score. Not from lack of trying, but guys, you cannot make them happy. No matter what you will screw up. That's why I like the comic who said, "Fellas, every morning I roll over and tell my wife "I'm Sorry", cause I know I will do something stupid that day."
  6. GatorChoice
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    GatorChoice Well-Known Member

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    Hilarious!
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  7. Gatormb
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    Gatormb Well-Known Member

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    Kurt, if you say something in the woods and your wife isn't there.....are you still wrong?:yes:
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  8. G8rChuck85
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    G8rChuck85 Moderator VIP Member

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    Good stuff, kurt! :laugh:
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  9. oldgator
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    oldgator Premium Member

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    secret to getting around much of it is to marry a bisexual woman
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  10. cstgator
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    cstgator Active Member

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    I know some of the women posters probably won't like my thoughts here (and some of the men)....

    But why do we see stuff like this all the time? All these little jokes and quips about how men can't please women and it's the worst thing in the world to do something that makes your girlfriend/wife mad...and it's never the way around. I see relationships as truly going both ways, not just it about the man trying to please the woman who is nearly impossible to please. But the cultural expectations of relationships in America are illuminated in this type of joke. And the worst thing is, many guys reading this post will think it's funny and agree with the sentiment.
  11. kurt_borglum
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    kurt_borglum VIP Member

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    But women have the vagina - we have to do what they say!!!
  12. cstgator
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    cstgator Active Member

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    No, you don't, actually. And you'll get more because of it.
  13. johnl
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    johnl Premium Member

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    DING DING
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