sunday snicker's

Discussion in 'The GatorTail Pub' started by gregthegator, Aug 18, 2013.

  1. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
    He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.
    He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
    Surprised the guy asks "Cool, where did you get this?"
    The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
    The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "
    Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing".
    "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants.
    The man says " I want a Million Bucks "
    The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head.
    And the guy says to the other "Your genie really sucks at hearing doesnt he?"
    The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC".
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  2. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

    On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

    The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.

    "Yes?"

    "You know."
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  3. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    THE OSTRICH!
    A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to The ostrich, "What's yours?"
    "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
    A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please"
    The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
    The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man Says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
    The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
    Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
    This becomes routine until the two enter again.
    "The usual?" Asks the waitress.
    "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
    "Same," says the ostrich.
    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and Places it on the table.
    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
    "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered Me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money Would always be there."
    "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
    "That's right. Whether it's a litre of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
    The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
    The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
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  4. G8rChuck85
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    G8rChuck85 Moderator VIP Member

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    Funny Stuff!! :D
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  5. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    an old but good one...

    Talking Italian

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
    ''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

    ''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

    ''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''
  6. mamag8ter
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    mamag8ter VIP Member

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    Thanks for the laughs greg. Those are just as funny on Tuesday.
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  7. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    recycled rooster jokes:wink:

    A farmer has a very horny rooster who is very sexually active screwing the hens all day non-stop. The farmer says "boy you better slow down or you're gonna screw yourself to death". Still the rooster keeps screwing away like crazy. Finally the farmer locks up all the hens to give the rooster a rest. But the rooster is so horny that he starts screwing the pigs and the cows. The farmer throws his hands up in the air and again says "you better slow down boy". One day the farmer walks out and sees the rooster lying on his back with his eyes closed and seemingly dead with vultures circling overhead. The farmer says "see, I told you to slow down and now you're dead". The rooster opens his eyes, looks up at the farmer and points to the vultures saying "Shhhhhhh, I think they're coming down".
  8. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new **** from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird. "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself." Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!" So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. "Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
  9. kurt_borglum
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    kurt_borglum VIP Member

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    A farm boy goes to an Easter egg hunt.
    When he arrives home with his trove of decorated eggs he decides to play a joke on his folks. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces all the eggs under the hens with his colored eggs.
    A few minutes later the rooster walks into the coop, takes one look at the eggs, and goes out and beats the tar our of the peacock....
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