Public Service Announcement..How to Survive a Shark Attack

Discussion in 'The GatorTail Pub' started by grayg8rstevo, Aug 7, 2013.

  1. grayg8rstevo
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    grayg8rstevo Premium Member

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    I don't usually post these so please bear with me. Shark attacks are on the rise and this article is a little long..Thanks.:no:

    I read this article on Accuweather. I am shortening it a bit because it does run a little long.
    The title says how to survive ..SURVIVE a shark attack. The article then goes on to explain how to AVOID a shark attack. This journalist lady , apparently, did not go to journalism school. She did not characterize the sharks as Republicans, as all journalists are wont to do, so she is trying to save everybody. kudos.

    1. Avoid being in the water between sunset and sunrise.
    Great point. Something about fish eating then, I think. And , she saw Jaws. Great tip.

    2. Stay in a group and stay near shore.
    Another great tip. In shallow water, if wading with other people , it is easier to push other waders in front of the shark. Remember to keep your feet planted shoulder width apart and push using your legs primarily. This will save your back. Also, swim with people you do not care for. Good tips.

    3. Avoid wearing shiny jewelry because it looks like fish scales.
    I think most of us leave the bling on shore already but this is a great tip right here. Housewives of New Jersey are in danger particularly, here. Also, when buying your next major purchase at Kay's Jewelers you can negotiate your purchase price downward if you remark that the jewelry looks like fish scales. When the manager comes over to negotiate, accuse him of trying to get you killed by a shark, This will usually get

    the old negotiating ball rolling.:grin:

    4. Avoid brightly colored swimsuits because sharks can see the contrast.
    Elderly fat women have instinctively known this and usually wear dark swimsuits. Follow their lead on this one.

    5. Do not enter waters being used by sport or commercial fishermen.
    Super tip. Swimming twenty miles offshore is generally not considered a safe thing to do. Lifeguards cannot see you out there and the fishermen have usually been drinking, another safety hazard.

    6. Avoid swimming in sewage and don't enter the water if you are bleeding.

    Not swimming in sewage should be a no-brainer , but , people in South Beach do lots of crazy things already. Now, the bleeding thing has several considerations. Very respectfully, to all , ahem, women of fertile age ( I am trying not to say menstruating here so give me a break) should not go into the water.) There , I said it.Please take care. Besides, all those special cases should be out west where women are being chased by maniacal bears and not some unsuspecting shark. Now, to those men who are losing blood, do not enter the water, either. You will need all your strength to fight off the sharks. :geek: Also, don't go bleeding in shark infested waters until at least half an hour after eating. Cramps make swimmers look like bait

    Lastly, this article reminds us that shark deaths are rare but shark bites happen about every fifteen minutes at Florida beaches. It is more rare to get hit by lightning or to win the lottery , than to die from a shark attack.
    Two similar tips are to wear a watch, and after fourteen minutes, get out of the water. The other is , if attacked by a shark, and you survive, of course :ninja:, have the ambulance driver go by the convenience store so you can buy a lotto ticket. This could be your lucky day.:yes::yes::roll:

    Thanks and have a safe summer.:angel:
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  2. toon66
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    toon66 VIP Member

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    These are great tips and I am waiting for The Weather Channel's follow- up on the matter. If we are lucky, they will assign Al Roker and Jim Cantore to give a chainmail demonstration in the tiger shark infested waters of Bahamas Bank. Have Al Roker strapped to a side of beef similar to what he used to consume prior to his gastric bypass surgery. That should really get the action going. Reality TV, indeed.


    On thing I am confused about. I thought we wanted all reality show housewives to enter the water with shiny jewelry, added bonus for those who are pre-menopause? Did I miss something here? This with the exception of Joanna Krupa. She is a vapid, narcissistic twit but she is damn hot. Even though there lots of nudes of her on the Internet, there aren't enough plus she has yet to have a sex tape made public. She still has something to contribute.
  3. grayg8rstevo
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    grayg8rstevo Premium Member

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    Toon...I think we can make an exception for her. Yes. I am all for Al doing crazy stunts, all in our best safety interests, of course. Good points.
    You could write for Accu weather with insights like that. No, really!!!!
    thx
    Stevo
  4. OaktownGator
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    OaktownGator Well-Known Member

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  5. Gatorrick22
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    Gatorrick22 Well-Known Member

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    :laugh:

    Good stuff, stevo, repped.
  6. grayg8rstevo
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    grayg8rstevo Premium Member

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    Rick...that was the actual advice on SURVIVING A SHARK ATTACK from the ACCUWEATHER Channel. OK, I fudged some of the answers around a little...just a little. I thought it was appropriate during SHARK WEEK. Apparently, everybody was already up to date. This thread dropped faster than ANTHONY WEINER's pants.:shhh::no:
  7. Gatorrick22
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    Gatorrick22 Well-Known Member

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    :laugh::laugh:

    I hope someone in NY beats Weiner... :ninja:

    I can tell where you "fudged" in that report... too funny.
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  8. icequeen
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    icequeen Well-Known Member

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    Sharks are why I don't go to the beach unless it's in PR. I go to Luquillo which is pretty much a cove...same for Dorado/Cerro Gordo. As long as you're along the shore you're fine...most of the biggies are past the reef. That's also where all the sports fishermen go with their chum, etc, so it's ridiculously far away. The last shark death in PR was in 1924, and the most recent bite was because she was stupid and was swimming in the bio pools in one of the outer islands (Vieques) which they're NOT allowed to do, but tour guides sometimes let people swim anyhow - this is in open, murky water.

    So yeah, I go to the beach every 13, 14 years or so :laugh:
  9. LincolnGator
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    LincolnGator New Member

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    To avoid shark attacks, "avoid swimming in sewage."

    Hmm. I suppose that probably is good advice. Come to think of it I don't recall ever being attacked by a bear, and I credit that to my habit of not wallowing in garbage pits or dumpsters that are located in heavily forested rural areas.
  10. grayg8rstevo
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    grayg8rstevo Premium Member

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    You could have been a contributor. As I said...the points are right from the ACCUWEATHER CHANNEL. The explanations, they can be blamed on me.lol
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  11. Gatorrick22
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    Gatorrick22 Well-Known Member

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    Lol...
  12. bakaduin
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    bakaduin Super Moderator

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  13. bposs
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    bposs Well-Known Member

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