I Married the Wrong Person, Now What?

Discussion in 'Too Hot for Swamp Gas' started by gatorplank, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. AzCatFan
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    AzCatFan Well-Known Member

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    There is no one right recipe for a good marriage. Been married 16+ years and my wife works full time. She also makes nearly double my salary, and has most of her professional career. So I'm the one usually getting the kids from school, I do most of the laundry, and we split the cooking. Works for us and we are happy together.

    The reason we stay together is a mutual understanding that life apart from one another would never be as good as our life together. So we work hard, really hard at staying together.

    Too many of our friends have bailed on their marriages too quickly in my opinion. They hit a rough patch and instead of toughening it out, quit. And save but a small minority, most of them weren't any happier being single.
  2. gatorpa
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    gatorpa Well-Known Member

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    Bolded x 10...

    It is harder to give than to get in a marriage, yet more important to give than get if you want to have a successful marriage.
  3. Dreamliner
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    Dreamliner Well-Known Member

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    Dear Bible Believers, had sex ? Guess what ? You got married. This is why Paul tells the Corinthians, "Or don't you know that if you join your body with a prostitute you become ONE with her ?"

    This is the "cleaving" language of Genesis.
  4. gatorpa
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    gatorpa Well-Known Member

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    Psychiatrist I know used to say that, it is great advice.
  5. exiledgator
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    exiledgator Gruntled Premium Member

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    Great thread.

    Ice, your post is fantastic but seems to contradict itself a bit.

    You call for longer premarital relationships (as do others in this thread), then you cite commitment and fortitude as the virtues required for success. A 6 year engagement doesn't create those virtues; it's a Petri dish for doubt, planning, and often the setting of unreasonable expectations.

    Expectations are a glaring omission thus far in this thread. Why do you think your grandparents arranged marriage was successful? I certainly don't know for sure, but it seems likely that expectations were realistic.

    I'm not suggesting that this is a singular key, nor am I suggesting that one should set the bar low merely for some watered down version of happiness, but commitment and fortitude crumble when berated constantly by failed expectations.

    I don't think anyone here has to look around too hard to see that this is sorely missing in our country.



    P.s. 57, die. Wow!
  6. Dreamliner
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    Dreamliner Well-Known Member

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    There is no Biblical category for premarital sex.
  7. gatorplank
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    gatorplank Well-Known Member

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    One of the things my father always used to tell me is that it takes two to fight. There are two ways to deal with a situation where this happens. You can either point the finger at the other person or you can fix what is within your own control. One of the options is the way of pride and the other is the way of humility.
  8. Dreamliner
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    Dreamliner Well-Known Member

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    You can take a poison pill and wait for your spouse to die.
  9. ursidman
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    ursidman Well-Known Member

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    There used to be a radio psychologist named Dr Joy (I think) who was imbued with just a lot of common sense. She once said something like this that really stuck with me to this day. She said "You can't change the behavior of others, you can only change your own behavior". So very obvious but a thought I had never contemplated much.
  10. HallGator
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    HallGator Administrator VIP Member

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    I think many people enter into marriage with the idea stuck in the back of their mind they can change things they don't like about their spouse. This is a recipe for disaster. I have to tell myself that about my wife on an almost daily basis. I can voice my feelings on whether I like something she does or not but I can't make her change. Exercise in futility.
  11. diehardgator1
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    diehardgator1 Well-Known Member

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    If she changed she would not be the lady you married and would you really like that? I doubt it

    I married for what she was and is not what I want her to be
  12. HallGator
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    HallGator Administrator VIP Member

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    Good point. I could do with her changing some things and I feel there are things I need to change. Not simply because I believe I am right but to I believe it would strengthen our marriage. However it's not about me shoving my beliefs down her throat but rather with us sharing our true feelings about contentious matters with each other.

    By the way congratulations on the forthcoming anniversary. That's a great thing.
  13. diehardgator1
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    diehardgator1 Well-Known Member

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    Thx Hall We all have some things we need to change but I can honestly say My wife and I have never gone to bed mad at each other some how we make the necessary effort to get it resolved before we go to sleep;
  14. Dreamliner
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    Dreamliner Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for so many wonderful examples here.
  15. Gatormb
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    Gatormb Well-Known Member

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    More biblical advice for Christians:

    If you no longer love your spouse, move next door or make them your enemy.

    Biblically, love is a verb, not a feeling.
  16. HallGator
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    That's an excellent approach in my opinion. I have always believe in telling my kids and my wife I love them even if we have had disagreements. I think that should always be the last words you have when the day ends or you are ending a conversation.

    A woman I've known for quite a few years had an argument with her mother years ago and in a fit of anger she told her she hated her and wished she was dead. Her mother was killed in a car accident just a couple hours later. The woman has had to live with words she never meant for a very long time and they have taken their toll on her mentally.
  17. rivergator
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    rivergator Well-Known Member

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    Of course, sometimes that meant staying up for three days ...:joecool:
  18. Dreamliner
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    Dreamliner Well-Known Member

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    Hehe, got the T-shirt.
  19. corpgator
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    corpgator Well-Known Member

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    If you take Paul as cannon. There are many who do not.
  20. Dreamliner
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    Dreamliner Well-Known Member

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    Probably because they don't like Paul (and for no more substantive reason). In any case, Jesus' teachings are even more severe.

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