I Married the Wrong Person, Now What?

Discussion in 'Too Hot for Swamp Gas' started by gatorplank, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. co_gator89
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    co_gator89 Well-Known Member

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    A wise man once said there are three rings to marriage. First you have your engagement ring, then there's the wedding ring, and last but certainly not least you have the suffering.
  2. lacuna
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    lacuna Well-Known Member

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    First off, thanks, Plank. Ron Jones has a thoughtful blog and I am enjoying reading the entry you linked and have continued reading other entries on his site. Will add his site to my list of "blogs to read."

    Even if it makes Spurff retch, Dream is more correct than not: marriage is a contract that legitimizes the sexual act and the children produced from it. Although the current conventional wisdom has us believing marriage benefits women more than men, marriage as originally designed was to the benefit of men more than women. It was an institution intended to enable the man to assure himself that children born to his wife were his and not the product of another man. It forged alliances and established peace between neighboring tribes, territories, or kingdoms through the children born to the couple establishing the alliance.

    The initial act of sex between a newly married couple to consummate their marriage is necessary to establish the legality of the marriage. Marriages that are never consummated can legally be terminated for that fact alone. The act of marriage is a binding, covenantal rite, celebrated and sealed with the breaking of the brides hymen by the husband in the initial act. As with other "cutting of the covenant," there is blood (usually). The Hebrew word for 'covenant' means 'cutting.' In the Jewish faith the male organ of the husband that performs the rite upon his bride was itself sanctified in a ritual bris that removed his foreskin when he was 8 days old. That act that sanctified him to God allows him the authority to sanctify his bride to himself. Marriages between Christians, as well as other religious traditions, follow or are similar to the ancient traditions recorded in the Bible as established in Judaism.

    In my self indulgent and generous reading I have discovered a number of interesting facts about marriage and sex. Firstly, the number of sexual partners a woman has had prior to her marriage is an indicator as to the success of her marriage. The more sexual partners she has had indicates a lesser chance at having a successful, long lasting marriage.

    During sex women experience the release of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates the urge to bond with their partner. Women also experience this same release of oxytocin breastfeeding their babies. The more sexual partners a woman has dilutes or diminishes this reaction, likewise diminishing the bonding of the sexual act between a man and his wife. The release of oxytocin and the bond it creates can be likened somewhat to the application of a Band-aid. The adhesive on the strip is strong when first applied but if lifted and reapplied loses its ability to bind to the skin with each subsequent application. The release of oxytocin with multiple sexual partners likewise diminishes the bond the act would otherwise create between the sexual partners.

    Secondly, this diminished bond has a detrimental effect on the commitment necessary to establish a good marriage. Approximately 70% of divorces in the United States are initiated by women who are not "haaaapy" within the first 7 to 10 years of their marriage. Many believe the timing is related to the weaning of children and the desire of the woman to be freed from her marital obligation while she still retains some of the youthful attractiveness necessary to attract another man.

    A successful, long lasting marriage is more likely to find realization when the couple shares a mutual value system, has invested time in pre-marital counseling and introspection, and has no - or limited - premarital sexual experience with anyone other than their intended.
  3. 108
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    108 Premium Member

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    Good article and something to ponder

    My father used to tell me that more then anything, marriage was about commitment, and love and all the other stuff was not nearly enough to keep people together

    That being said, the majority of women are drama queens and just looking for someone to fill a role they've contemplated on their whole life =]
  4. lacuna
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    lacuna Well-Known Member

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    A disturbing majority and equally disturbing trend. The Disney princesses are not so innocent.
  5. swampbabe
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    swampbabe Well-Known Member

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    Have you been on Swampgas lately? Talk about drama queens. Back on topic, my husband and I have been married for 27 years and it is WORK, no way around it. Some people simply don't have the introspection and humility to stick it out. When you are more worried about your dress than your groom you will have a problem. I think that the proliferation of reality show "bridezillas" has given people a warped sense of what marriage should be. A wedding and a marriage are not the same thing.
  6. rivergator
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    rivergator Well-Known Member

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    i must have married the right person
  7. icequeen
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    icequeen Well-Known Member

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    I think the issue most of the time is that no one has taught new generations (especially the girls) the amount of self sacrifice that goes into a marriage. From an early age they're told they can do it all, be anything, get an advanced degree, marry the man of their dreams who will kiss the ground they walk on as long as they live, have as many kids as they want without losing their figure, and live happily ever after.

    Marriage is give and take, and for a lot of women it's a LOT of GIVE. I think I slept in one day since our daughter was born in 2001, and that was in 2002, and it was to find her crawling out of the makeshift barricade my husband had made so he could sleep on the floor. She was crawling into the kitchen. This was about 8 a.m. And that's the story of the last time I ever slept in :laugh:

    And men give up some stuff, too, and work darn hard. And women work very hard, especially if they have regular jobs because they're expected to still do everything. But you have to choose to accept your roles and move on, and not sit there wondering why your life isn't word-for-word like the latest Romance novel or Romantic movie plot.

    Romance when you're married is having your husband take out the trash without being told :laugh: :yes: Anniversaries? Forget them when you have kids. Christmas? What's that? But so what? It's life.
  8. icequeen
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    icequeen Well-Known Member

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    And to make a perfect example, women need to learn that men will never grow up. Which one of you put "dicknipples" as a tag for this?? :laugh:
  9. lacuna
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    lacuna Well-Known Member

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    It is impossible for a woman to successfully Do All and Be All. Women have been sold a bill of goods. Something will give as there are no Superwomen. The Feminists who advanced this fallacy set at least 2 generations of women up for disappointment and failure.

  10. rivergator
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    rivergator Well-Known Member

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    don't agree with that at all. each person makes his or her decisions. it's not the feminists fault or anyone else's.
    roles simply have changed. fathers are more involved in their kids lives than they used to be.
  11. fastsix
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    fastsix Well-Known Member

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    Or better still live together first before getting married.
  12. rivergator
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    rivergator Well-Known Member

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  13. lacuna
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    lacuna Well-Known Member

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    Why have roles changed?

    River, your phrasing is a bit confusing but I think you mean roles changed because people made their own decisions and it wasn't the 'fault' of the feminists or anyone else. What then, influenced the change in traditional roles? If fathers are more involved in the lives of their children, that of course, is a good thing. But often times that involvement is only to fill in as a substitute for something a stay at home mother would have done before she went to work. The child has perhaps gained more 'Dad time' only at the expense of 'Mom time.'
  14. rivergator
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    rivergator Well-Known Member

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    I think there are lots of factors at work and it's simplistic to blame it on 'the feminists.' More spouses work because people want more stuff. A car for everyone 16 and over in the family. Four TVs, etc., etc.
    (Keep in mind that conservatives are complaining mightily that fewer people are in the workforce. They want more households where both parents are working. Hardly just a function of feminism.)
    One of the reasons that golf courses are hurting is because dads don't take off for four or five hours every Saturday. They're on the baseball and soccer fields. I know I was, and it certainly wasn't because of feminism.
  15. diehardgator1
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    diehardgator1 Well-Known Member

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    On Dec 2 my wife and I will have been married 57 Years The best advice I can give is you dont always have to get the last word in
  16. rivergator
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    rivergator Well-Known Member

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    wow, congrats!!!
  17. 108
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    108 Premium Member

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    Heard a quote once:

    "Would you rather be right, or be happy?"
  18. Bushmaster
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    Bushmaster Well-Known Member

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    But you post so much younger!!!

    Congratulations. I hope I live long enough to be married that long.
  19. diehardgator1
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    diehardgator1 Well-Known Member

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    Great quote
  20. diehardgator1
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    diehardgator1 Well-Known Member

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    I have always lived by how old would you be if you did not know how old you are

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