Guess what day it is - Humor

Discussion in 'The GatorTail Pub' started by g8orbill, Apr 16, 2014.

  1. g8orbill
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    g8orbill Gators VIP Member

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    A woman went up to the roof-deck of her hotel to sunbathe. No one else was there, so she slipped out of her swimsuit to get an overall tan. A few minutes later, she heard someone running up the stairs.

    “Excuse me, miss,” said the hotel manager. “We would appreciate it if you wore a bathing suit.”

    “But I’m alone,” she said. “What difference does it make?”

    “A lot,” said the manager. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”

    ……….



    A police officer pulled over a guy for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walked up to the driver’s window and asked, “You drinkin’?”

    The driver said, “You buyin’?”

    …..





    Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old coach. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on which I was still listed as the record holder for the longest softball throw.

    Noticing my surprise, the coach said, "That record will stand forever."

    I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records exist to be broken, when he added, "We stopped holding that event years ago."

    ........




    A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

    "What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

    "Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?"

    "Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.

    "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

    Confused, the man asked what were the types.

    The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

    Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?"

    The lady responded "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

    ........
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  2. g8orbill
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    g8orbill Gators VIP Member

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    One more for the road-

    The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"

    Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"

    So the teacher says "Why the feet?"

    And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"
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  3. gregthegator
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    gregthegator Well-Known Member

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    A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
    Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
    The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
    He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
    and all the dents would pop out.
    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.
    Nothing happened.
    She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
    Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said,
    "What are you doing?"
    The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her
    to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

    Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
    ..."HELLLLOOOO!!!
    You need to roll up the windows."
    • Funny Funny x 2

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