This is not meant to be one of those "Please help me" things, though many of us here have been in crisis before and have received incredible support and nurturance. Just today I experienced one of those moments where I felt this instantaneous switch between reasonably healthy, clear-headed and perhaps overly optimistic to feeling sad, hopeless and worthless. It started with something probably meaningless I read in an email and then there was this sudden chill in the air around me and a pain in the bottom of my gut. My point is not to ask someone to rescue me. I've managed to create some detachment, observing myself with some detachment, but with absolute fascination with the human brain and these sudden and profound changes in neuro-transmitter activity and how debilitating they can be. I do have a history of depression, mainly an acute episode 18 or 19 years ago and a botched suicide attempt. I didn't understand it then, but the clinical help and self-awareness I gained back then has enabled me to understand what happened and even gain this perverse curiosity with it. I know there can be a genetic component. My paternal grandfather committed suicide before I was born. My sister was also suicidal for a brief period. I don't mean to make light of it. I'm on the verge of being in real crisis and I know people on this board who live on the verge of crisis all the time. But isn't it a strange thing? I'm an extremely fit individual. I've trained in martial arts for eight years. I just bench pressed 305 pounds last week. Right now, I picture myself as a 120 pound weakling. What happened today? It's like I made some scientific discovery on my own, a curious, but not very exciting discovery. Any insight? Any similar experiences? Any professional perspectives? (I do have a significant layman understanding of neurosciences.) Please don't tell me it was the last two football games.