"All I want for Christmas is ............"

Discussion in 'The GatorTail Pub' started by RayGator, Dec 11, 2013.

  1. RayGator
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    A Dad was doubtful of his son's sudden interest in wanting to become a body builder and what he wanted for Christmas. Nevertheless he went with the teenager to the weight-lifting area of a large sporting goods store to look at weights and barbells and other stuff. "Please, Dad," begged the boy. "I promise I'll use them every day." "I'm not so sure, Son. You may lose your interest in weight lifting and body building," the Dad was quick to point out. "Ahhhh please, Dad!" And his Dad replied, "I don't know, it's going to cost a lot of money for all this stuff." And the Son replied, "I promise Dad, I'll use them". Well, the teenager won out and his Dad paid for all the weightlifting equipment. As the Dad was starting to walk out, he heard his Son call out, "What! You mean I have to carry all this stuff to the car by myself?"
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  2. g8orbill
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  3. mh2os14415
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    Sounds like another version of the "I'll take care of the puppy" story.
  4. slinkygator
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  5. RayGator
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    Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

    A: Because he had low elf esteem.
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  6. FrankGator627
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  7. RayGator
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    Q: What Nationality is Santa Claus?

    A: North Polish.
  8. Spurffelbow833
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    I get what I want for Christmas every year--December 26th.
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  9. RayGator
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    Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?

    A: A subordinate claus.
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  10. RayGator
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    Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?

    A: He wanted to sleep like a log.


    :)
  11. RayGator
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    Q: What do you get when you cross a Snowman with a Vampire?

    A: Frostbite.

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  12. mamag8ter
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    You make me laugh out loud Ray!
  13. rpmGator
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    rpmGator Well-Known Member

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    Good job Ray. Merry Christmas to all.
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  14. RayGator
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    Since Christmas comes on a Wednesday this year, I think Santa might be using Camels. :)
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  15. RayGator
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    Monday 12.16.13 USA Today Snapshots

    What Holiday Shoppers Look For:

    71% Free Shipping.

    47% Free Returns.

    44% Price Matching.

    36% Extended Hours.

    35% Order Online and Pick-Up Instore.


    Note: Could choose more than one.
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  16. supagator
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    supagator Supa'star Premium Member

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    Is for someone to explain.... What a trophy point is, and how can we get more of them?
  17. RayGator
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    Q: What's a good Christmas tip for those up North?

    A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone South for the Winter!
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  18. kurt_borglum
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    Naughty Night Before Christmas
    Twas the night before Christmas, and God was it neat,
    The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
    The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,
    It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
    Mama in her teddy, and I in the nude,
    Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
    When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
    That I lost my boner and poor Mama went dry.
    Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
    Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
    The moon on the crest of the snowman we built,
    Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
    When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a rusty old sleigh and 8 mangy reindeer.
    With a fat little driver half out of his sled,
    A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
    Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite,
    And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
    Whoa Sh*thead, whoa A$$hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
    Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
    Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
    Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
    They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
    Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
    And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
    As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
    I was donning my jacket to cover my a$$,
    When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
    His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
    He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
    "That was some brothel" he said with a smile,
    "The reindeer are pooped, so I'll just stay here a while."
    He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
    Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
    I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
    The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
    Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
    But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
    The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
    The next was a handgun, with a penis that spits.
    A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, \
    And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
    A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
    And several other things I shouldn't even mention.
    A f^ck ring, a g-string, and all types of oil,
    A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
    "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will sh*t,
    So I'll leav'em here, and then I'll haveta split."
    He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
    With one tiny butt plug left under his sleeve.
    He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
    Thus he fell on his a$$ and broke wind instead.
    In time he was seated, took the reigns of his hitch,
    Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this nights been a BITCH!"
    The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
    "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
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  19. kurt_borglum
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    A Jewish Christmas

    The teacher, Ms. Pelzner, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked. Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Pelzner, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the Midnight Mass and we sing hymns, and then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

    "Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

    Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?" Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas."
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  20. kurt_borglum
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    A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, 'What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'?

    The little girl replies, 'I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.

    Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, 'I thought Barbie comes with Ken'.

    'No', said the little girl. 'She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.'
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