About the South

Discussion in 'The GatorTail Pub' started by mamag8ter, Sep 15, 2013.

  1. mamag8ter
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    mamag8ter VIP Member

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    I had read a couple of these before, but I still Lol at them. Sorry if they have been posted before.


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    Florida


    A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
    "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

    Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
    and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

    Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minut es. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
    for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

    The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

    "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

    Georgia

    The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

    He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from theUniversity of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

    The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."



    Louisiana

    A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."

    When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

    Mississippi

    The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

    Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

    The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

    North Carolina

    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

    A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

    The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

    The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

    The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."


    Tennessee

    A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

    The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

    Texas

    The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

    "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

    ***

    Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
    but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

    :nervous smile:
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  2. GolphinGator
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    GolphinGator Well-Known Member

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    lol. I have not seen some of those and being from the south they all made me laugh.
  3. G8rChuck85
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    G8rChuck85 Moderator VIP Member

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    All good! :laugh:
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  4. gatorjjh
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    gatorjjh BS Jm, UF Class of '69 Premium Member

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    up to your usual standards- very funny :)
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  5. Gatorgal04
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    Gatorgal04 Lowly Fan VIP Member

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    Good stuff, Mama. Thanks for sharing! I hadn't seen any of them before.
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  6. dadx4
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    dadx4 Well-Known Member

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    Those are great.
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  7. g8orbill
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    g8orbill Gators VIP Member

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    :laugh: :laugh:
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  8. tec68
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    tec68 Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha love em
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  9. MtownGator
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    MtownGator Well-Known Member

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    HAHAHA -
    God bless us all an our lil pea pickin hearts
  10. mamag8ter
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    mamag8ter VIP Member

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    Ain't that the truth, lol!!!
  11. kurt_borglum
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    kurt_borglum VIP Member

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    SOUTHERN’S MEDICAL DICTIONARY


    Artery.............................. The study of paintings
    Bacteria.......................... Back door to cafeteria
    Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die
    Benign............................ What you be, after you be eight
    Caesarean Section...... A neighborhood in Rome
    Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty
    Cauterize....................... Made eye contact with her
    Colic...............................A sheep dog
    Coma............................ A punctuation mark
    Dilate............................. To live long
    Enema............................Not a friend
    Fester............................ Quicker than someone else
    Fibula............................ A small lie
    Impotent........................Distinguished, well known
    Labour Pain................. Getting hurt at work
    Medical Staff............... A Doctor's cane
    Morbid........................... A higher offer
    Nitrates.......................... Cheaper than day rates
    Node................................ I knew it
    Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted
    Pelvis................. .......... Second cousin to Elvis
    Post Operative............ A letter carrier
    Recovery Room.......... Place to do upholstery
    Rectum.......................... Damn near killed him
    Secretion....................... Hiding something
    Seizure........................ Roman emperor
    Tablet........................... A small table
    Terminal Illness.......... Getting sick at the airport
    Tumor........................... One plus one more
    Urine............................. Opposite of you're out
  12. kurt_borglum
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    kurt_borglum VIP Member

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    Alabama Blonde

    Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby.... Alabama Girl needs new clothes!"

    As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... And squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

    She hugged each of the dealers... And then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

    Moral ---

    Not all Southerners are stupid.
    Not all blondes are dumb.
    But, all men..... are men!
  13. Gatormb
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    Gatormb Well-Known Member

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    Good one Kurt. That'll make your knee feel better....for a moment!

    Five years ago I had twenty people over for a Super Bowl party. Went to KFC and ordered six buckets of chicken and three gallons each of baked beans, cole slaw and mashed potatoes.

    KFC guy looked me straight in the eye and said.............

    "Ya gonna eat that here or take it with you?"

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