Wednesday night jokes

[kurt_borglum]

WEDNESDAY NIGHT JOKE #1

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Florala weekly news in Alabama and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news,
the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store
and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said,"Shucks,
we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the Federal government. They're overseeing the Bailout &
Stimulus Programs.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT JOKE #2

Norm and Jim, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Norm didn't show up. Jim didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Norm hadn't shown up for a week or so, Jim really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Jim didn't know where Norm lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Jim figured he had seen the last of Norm, but one day, Jim
approached the park and - lo and behold! - there sat Norm!

Jim was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud
Norm what in the world happened to you?"

Norm replied, "I've been in jail."

"Jail" cried Jim. "What in the world for?"

"Well" Norm said, "you know Cindy, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I
sometimes go?"

"Yeah," said Jim, I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 80 years old,
I was so proud when I got into court, I pleaded "guilty."

"The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

WEDNESDAY NIGHT JOKE #3

A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

WEDNESDAY NIGHT JOKE #4

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to the Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.
3. put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines
4. Leave a note that reads....

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four
of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back,
Cooter.