Advice from parents with teenage daughters

[Gator515151]

Originally Posted by bluelang

You're about six years late on this. Get her the pills and remind her to use a f'n condom. If she's out of your house it's none of your business anyways. Hell, even if she's in your house it's really none of your business.

Bull shit, first of all I am sure he is still paying the bills if she is a 1st semester college freshman so she is not "out of his house". Second, well let's just ask old are you bluelang 17?

[kkg8r]

Originally Posted by FrankGator627

The "helps with acne" excuse is the #1 excuse for girls that want the pill but are too afraid to ask their parents for it and tell then they are sexually active.

I think you need to man up and give your daughter a good talking to about being safe. You'll regret it if your daughter catches a STD or gets preggo.

In my day, the excuse was 'spotting.' Many girls wanted the pill because it increased breast size - not to protect against pregnancy. Bottom line is, only she knows why she wants them and either she will tell you or she won't. The only thing you can do is educate and support. Regardless of who is paying for her schooling, she IS on her own. It sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders, likely due to good parenting. Just keep doing what you're doing.

[mamag8ter]

Well, this has been a very enlightening thread. Where were you guys when I was floundering around trying to get my Daughter through, high school, college, experimenting with pot, watching her trash the inside of her car, etc. I bumbled around and somehow raised a beautiful, kind, intelligent, responsible, hard working woman, who is a great Mother as well. Oh, forgot to mention she is a proud Gator. I somehow did it right.

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by FrankGator627

The "helps with acne" excuse is the #1 excuse for girls that want the pill but are too afraid to ask their parents for it and tell then they are sexually active.

I think you need to man up and give your daughter a good talking to about being safe. You'll regret it if your daughter catches a STD or gets preggo.

My wife had that talk with her. Told her we were okay with her being active, but would appreciate her being frank with us. She was pretty insistent about not being involved with anyone. Certainly hasn't been any talk about particular guys, only girls.

She doesn't need to lie to get the pills. She doesn't even need to come to us. The university clinic will give them to her.

[StrangeGator]

This time a year ago, I thought she might be sexually involved with one of her female friends.

[gtr2x]

Originally Posted by StrangeGator

This time a year ago, I thought she might be sexually involved with one of her female friends.

Well that could be a whole new thread.

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by gtr2x

Well that could be a whole new thread.

But as always, useless without pics.

If you want a mental picture, my daughter is about 5'11.5" 135 pounds, brown, shoulder length hair, blue eyes, proportionately sized hips and behind, B-ish cups size (ask me again after she's been on those pills for three months) and obviously, very long legs. Very pretty face. The friend is bi-racial, about 5'6", larger hips and behind, larger chest, very big brown eyes, a bit more overt sexiness, I would even say a "Come hither" air about her.

I'd have been okay to some degree. The birth control thing would be a moot point. But I've had a few conversations with my lesbian and bi-sexual female colleagues and they all say the same thing. A man can beat a girl senseless, but he always feels bad about it. Girls are meaner, can and will inflict more long lasting pain without lifting a finger. They may be gentler with each other in bed, but they hold razor sharp knives behind their backs.

As it turned out, they weren't in bed together because they were attracted to each other. They were in bed together because they were baked to the gills, laid down and passed out. Another teachable moment. "I told you weed was stronger in brownies than when you smoked it."

[NorthCaptivaGator]

Originally Posted by StrangeGator

But as always, useless without pics.

If you want a mental picture, my daughter is about 5'11.5" 135 pounds, brown, shoulder length hair, blue eyes, proportionately sized hips and behind, B-ish cups size (ask my again after she's been on those pills for three months) and obviously, very long legs. Very pretty face. The friend is bi-racial, about 5'6", larger hips and behind, larger chest, very big brown eyes, a bit more overt sexiness, I would even say a "Come hither" air about her.

I'd have been okay to some degree. The birth control thing would be a moot point. But I've had a few conversations with me lesbian and bi-sexual female colleagues and they all say the same thing. A man can beat a girl senseless, but he always feels bad about it. Girls are meaner, can and will inflict more long lasting pain without lifting a finger. They may be gentler with each other in bed, but they hold razor sharp knives behind their backs.

As it turned out, they weren't in bed together because they were attracted to each other. They were in bed together because they were baked to the gills, laid down and passed out. Another teachable moment. "I told you weed was stronger in brownies than when you smoked it."

Funny because after your first post describing her and her friends I was going to post something smart ass like don't worry bro,she won't get pregnant, she is gay

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by Gator515151

Bull shit, first of all I am sure he is still paying the bills if she is a 1st semester college freshman so she is not "out of his house". Second, well let's just ask old are you bluelang 17?

Not out of the house? We live in Chicago. She's at Boston University. That's just under 1000 miles and 15 hours drive. I was having sex two or three times a week when I was a junior in high school and my parents were only one or two miles away.

Bottom line, LAGatorDoc solved this riddle two pages back. Acne is a legitimate reason for taking oral contraceptives, more effective with fewer side effects and more benefits than most acne meds. Two things you need to know about her is that she is very vain, spends every spare dime on make up and hipster couture. Acne is not part of the look. The other is that she is the most risk averse teenager you have ever met. She looks both ways twice before crossing the street.

As far as boys go (or young men) she has always considered boys her own age to be children. At the same time, older boys have always intimidated her. Even the ones who are shorter than her, which is most of them. I think she's very mature in most respects, but she does not know how to flirt. All she knows is how to be incredibly rude and condescending to guys her age and younger and very shy around older guys.

Frankly, I'm less worried about her becoming intimate than I am about her inability to create meaningful relationships with males. If she wants contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, she might just be worried about getting raped.

[LAGatorDoc]

Originally Posted by StrangeGator

Not out of the house? We live in Chicago. She's at Boston University. That's just under 1000 miles and 15 hours drive. I was having sex two or three times a week when I was a junior in high school and my parents were only one or two miles away.

Bottom line, LAGatorDoc solved this riddle two pages back. Acne is a legitimate reason for taking oral contraceptives, more effective with fewer side effects and more benefits than most acne meds. Two things you need to know about her is that she is very vain, spends every spare dime on make up and hipster couture. Acne is not part of the look. The other is that she is the most risk averse teenager you have ever met. She looks both ways twice before crossing the street.

As far as boys go (or young men) she has always considered boys her own age to be children. At the same time, older boys have always intimidated her. Even the ones who are shorter than her, which is most of them. I think she's very mature in most respects, but she does not know how to flirt. All she knows is how to be incredibly rude and condescending to guys her age and younger and very shy around older guys.

Frankly, I'm less worried about her becoming intimate than I am about her inability to create meaningful relationships with males. If she wants contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, she might just be worried about getting raped.

Don't have her hang out near the FSU or UTexas football teams and that hopefully will prevent the last horrible part from happening

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by LAGatorDoc

Don't have her hang out near the FSU or UTexas football teams and that hopefully will prevent the last horrible part from happening

BU is far from both campuses and they don't have football. She didn't give a moments consideration to applying to f$u, no matter how good their film school is alleged to be. She applied to U. of Texas on my insistence, but was not accepted. The film school is very competitive, and like UF, they reserve 92% of their freshman acceptance for Texas residents. FWIW, her GPA and test scores were high enough for honors admission by Texas standards. Fine film school, but the university can stick it up the place their entire state represents to this country's anatomy. Only reason she applied was to do her campus visit during SXSW, but I was freaking indignant. She was wait-listed by schools miles up the food chain from UT, and accepted by a couple of others. They sent us a letter encouraging us to consider applying for a transfer if she experienced great success somewhere else. I had to restrain myself from responding.

As far as football players go, if they aren't Gators, she wants nothing to do with them. She's generally not impressed and considers athletes in revenue sports to be inferior species. She played high school and AAU volleyball. She was just invited to to leave her intramural Quidditch team to join the BU club team. She's a Beater, which requires tackling boys. Maybe she really is a lesbian, but a soon to be clear-skinned lesbian.

You shouldn't have gotten me started.

[LAGatorDoc]

Originally Posted by StrangeGator

BU is far from both campuses and they don't have football. She didn't give a moments consideration to applying to f$u, no matter how good their film school is alleged to be. She applied to U. of Texas on my insistence, but was not accepted. The film school is very competitive, and like UF, they reserve 92% of their freshman acceptance for Texas residents. FWIW, her GPA and test scores were high enough for honors admission by Texas standards. Fine film school, but the university can stick it up the place their entire state represents to this country's anatomy. Only reason she applied was to do her campus visit during SXSW, but I was freaking indignant. She was wait-listed by schools miles up the food chain from UT, and accepted by a couple of others. They sent us a letter encouraging us to consider applying for a transfer if she experienced great success somewhere else. I had to restrain myself from responding.

As far as football players go, if they aren't Gators, she wants nothing to do with them. She's generally not impressed and considers athletes in revenue sports to be inferior species. She played high school and AAU volleyball. She was just invited to to leave her intramural Quidditch team to join the BU club team. She's a Beater, which requires tackling boys. Maybe she really is a lesbian, but a soon to be clear-skinned lesbian.

You shouldn't have gotten me started.

Boom!!! Sorry, but it deserved a boom, Muschamp style

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by NorthCaptivaGator

Funny because after your first post describing her and her friends I was going to post something smart ass like don't worry bro,she won't get pregnant, she is gay

If she is, all of them might be, in which case, I can only imagine their post-prom excursion her friend's Michigan lake house. There were 12 of them and apparently they all got drunk and went skinny dipping. I know there were no boys there, because one of the moms was with them. And no, she didn't bring a camera, so don't tell me how worthless this post is without pics.

They're a great bunch of girls, no matter which team they play for. Cute too, though a few could use some acne treatment, but we know how to handle that now, don't we.

[rpmGator]

Second best tip is to tell her to never drink anything she didn't open or see opened herself and if she leaves her drink to dance or something, throw it away and get a new one.

If you can't keep it in your hand, drink it or throw it away, never leave it alone for a moment.

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by rpmGator

Second best tip is to tell her to never drink anything she didn't open or see opened herself and if she leaves her drink to dance or something, throw it away and get a new one.

If you can't keep it in your hand, drink it or throw it away, never leave it alone for a moment.

She got that lecture before I finally go to Lollapalooza by herself, but that's probably a worth giving again.

[The_Ultimate_Gator]

Originally Posted by StrangeGator

If you want a mental picture, my daughter is about 5'11.5" 135 pounds, brown, shoulder length hair, blue eyes, proportionately sized hips and behind, B-ish cups size (ask me again after she's been on those pills for three months) and obviously, very long legs. Very pretty face. The friend is bi-racial, about 5'6", larger hips and behind, larger chest, very big brown eyes, a bit more overt sexiness, I would even say a "Come hither" air about her.

Go on...

[gtr2x]

Interesting, my wife's cousin, a Miami Latina went to BU about 25 years ago, hooked up with a local Irish guy and never looked back. Great couple with 2 kids.

[StrangeGator]

Originally Posted by gtr2x

Interesting, my wife's cousin, a Miami Latina went to BU about 25 years ago, hooked up with a local Irish guy and never looked back. Great couple with 2 kids.

Saw a lot of Miami kids when I went for orientation. One of the presenters was a second generation Cuban from Miami. The student body is over 20% international, which probably leads to a lot of mixed ethnicity marriages. My daughter's roommate is from Indonesia. Her best friend is from Zimbabwe and her second best friend is Korean. Only other person I ever knew at the school was a girl I dated who was from the Loire Valley in France.

The Irish American community is huge there. The cab driver who took us back to the airport was right out of central casting.

[StrangeGator]

Done deal. They went to the doctor yesterday. I dropped off the two scripts. The second one was for a topical anti-biotic. Probably not much to worry about for a while. It certainly isn't the acne holding her back.

Thanks for all the advice, even the less insightful advice. It was all given in the spirit of helping a friend. It's hard to think or behave intelligently about such an emotional topic. I was so freaked out about having a daughter, I read Reviving Ophelia when she was only three. Not much insight about pre-schoolers in there. What I do remember is that the teenage girls who are the most mature and the most emotionally prepared for sexual relationships are typically the ones who avoid them, while the immature, emotionally needy girls are the most likely to engage in sex. (I most have known that instinctively, because I was always chasing the latter.) My daughter is more of the former but mostly just not impressed with guys her age, or even a few years older. She sure isn't impressed with me.

[OaktownGator]

Hanging at the Frat house is the thing that sounds most concerning from my POV.

I guess this just follows up on the exchange you had with rpm regarding open drinks, but even if she is lesbian, guys with roofies (sp?) or whatever the date rape drug of choice currently is, won't care too much about her preference.

In addition to watching her drinks (and food), I'd just try to make sure someone she trusts and will listen to, has her eyes open to the risks there, and she remember to choose her friends and surroundings wisely. That can run counter to the experimental nature of that stage in your life, but it's really critical.

Glad to hear she's a mature girl and not too easily impressed with the guys around her. Good sign for sure.