The Scourge of Porn

[g8orbill]

I am not excusing the porn addiction-but cheating is cheating and not sure I would be so benevolent

[vangator1]

I was hoping Ray was relaxing some of the rules and allowing porn.

Sounds like a Tiger Woods kind of thing. Only difference is Tiger is famous with lots of money, so he didn't need porn. He got the real thing.

[JimBobTheClown]

Dude needs to divorce that crazy beach and move on. Take custody of the kid and maybe not look at so much prawns. Woman in this story is a pathetic cheating piece of garbage.

[gator10010]

The porn nor the affair are the problem in this relationship, merely symptoms.

You said that she knew about his "porn addiction " before they were married, well if his porn addiction didn't bother her enough when they were dating why does it bother her now?

It bothers her now because she isn't happy and his porn addiction is the easy out card.

Can the relationship be saved? I ask what relationship is there?

There is a man who can't handle his porn consumption and is willing to let it wreck his life and there is a woman who is too scared to communicate with her husband so she starts an affair with a married man. Sad really, these two have lost themselves somewhere along the way. They've forgotten who they really are as individuals.

Before any saving of a relationship can begin both of these individuals need to spend some time alone and figure out what really makes them happy and how do they really want to live their lives. If they do this and both decide they want to "save" their relationship then they have a chance but taking all of this hurt, anger, and trust issues straight into marriage counseling is a recipe for disaster.

[Tebowism0823]

Originally Posted by jewood592

HMMMM. He watches porn. She's "driven into the arms" of another man. Yep. It's his fault. She's not a whore!

lol

[ovillegator]

Originally Posted by 96Gatorcise

so this guy has only looked at porn 15 times since July? that is like once a week, how is this a problem?
I must be a degenerate......

Well, he ADMITS to only 15 times since July. Those are probably the times he was caught.

[FrankGator627]

Originally Posted by gator10010

The porn nor the affair are the problem in this relationship, merely symptoms.

You said that she knew about his "porn addiction " before they were married, well if his porn addiction didn't bother her enough when they were dating why does it bother her now?

It bothers her now because she isn't happy and his porn addiction is the easy out card.

Can the relationship be saved? I ask what relationship is there?

There is a man who can't handle his porn consumption and is willing to let it wreck his life and there is a woman who is too scared to communicate with her husband so she starts an affair with a married man. Sad really, these two have lost themselves somewhere along the way. They've forgotten who they really are as individuals.

Before any saving of a relationship can begin both of these individuals need to spend some time alone and figure out what really makes them happy and how do they really want to live their lives. If they do this and both decide they want to "save" their relationship then they have a chance but taking all of this hurt, anger, and trust issues straight into marriage counseling is a recipe for disaster.

This.

[GatoRella]

Originally Posted by JimBobTheClown

Dude needs to divorce that crazy beach and move on. Take custody of the kid and maybe not look at so much prawns. Woman in this story is a pathetic cheating piece of garbage.

Lmao

[Tebowism0823]

Originally Posted by JimBobTheClown

Dude needs to divorce that crazy beach and move on. Take custody of the kid and maybe not look at so much prawns. Woman in this story is a pathetic cheating piece of garbage.

Don't beat around the bush, how do you really feel?

[GatorAbe7]

Originally Posted by PIMking

He didn't just start going to town watching porn, His wife could of stopped having sex with him forcing him to go elsewhere for his needs and at least those needs are at home on a computer than someone else.

So since this is brought up, how much can the woman be responsible for things that go wrong if they refuse sex? In other words, knowing that its impossible for the guy to handle permanent refusal, who is it that's s'posed to warn the women not to do this? Mothers? Pastors? Counselors? I've never gotten a straight answer.

[gatormann]

Porn is for jerkoffs!

Alcohol is for drunks!

Brownies are for fatties!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

[northgagator]

Originally Posted by ovillegator

Well, he ADMITS to only 15 times since July. Those are probably the times he was caught.

Wow she admits to an affair (with a married man). That is probably the time she got caught.

[lacuna]

Thanks for all the responses. I don't know that there's an answer here for the husband looking to re-engage his wife's affection but it's interesting reading the various thoughts of all who responded.

I knew this girl when she was a child but haven't seen her much since she has grown up. I met the husband once, at their wedding a few years back. They appeared to be very happy and very much in love as I guess all couples do on their wedding day. I would never have believed this could happen to them.

I don't know much more about the situation other than the wife told her mother their love making was infrequent and unsatisfying for her. From what I've been reading this can be caused by porn addiction.

I mostly post in Too Hot and those who are familiar with my posts in that forum know I will research a topic that interests me to the ends of the earth to learn as much about it as I can. So I have been reading about porn addiction today and learned it is terribly damaging to people (women too, can be porn addicts) who are addicted and a threat to their marriages.

http://goodmenproject.com/health/how...your-marriage/

Always young. Always beautiful. Always new. Porn keeps dopamine surging in the brain. But at what point does chronic stimulation become chronic dissatisfaction?

If you’re married and using Internet porn regularly, your sex life—the one with your wife—is probably a lot less satisfying than it could be.

You probably know that from an evolutionary standpoint, a man is rewarded for spreading his seed. But your wedding vows have an evolutionary purpose, too: they increase the chances that your joint offspring will have two caregivers, thus improving the odds that your genes will survive.

Internet porn, it turns out, messes with both these instincts. The endless variety and overstimulation may initially help you get more excited during sex, but over time it has the opposite effect: porn can dull your ability to please, and be pleased by, your partner.

When free, streaming porn became available, psychiatrist Norman Doidge, in The Brain That Changes Itself, noticed something unsettling among his porn-using patients:

They reported increasing difficulty in being turned on by their actual sexual partners, spouses, or girlfriends, though they still considered them objectively attractive. When I asked if this phenomenon had any relationship to viewing pornography, they answered that it initially helped them get more excited during sex but over time had the opposite effect.

Today’s porn can dampen your sexual responsiveness to your partner by over-activating three brain mechanisms. First, an ancient biological program in the brain overrides natural satiety when there are lots of mates begging to be sexed. Your brain perceives each new individual on your screen as a valuable genetic opportunity. Second, too much stimulation can numb the pleasure response of the brain for a time, pumping up cravings for more novel stimuli. Therefore, a familiar mate—your spouse—appears less and less enticing. And finally, too much stimulation of the brain’s sex and mating circuitry obstructs the mammalian instinct toward monogamy.

The result? Indifference.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...iages-annually

Is Porn Really Destroying 500,000 Marriages Annually?
Is porn really the cause of 50% of all divorces?
Published on December 12, 2011 by Kevin B. Skinner, Ph.D. in Inside Porn Addiction

In a 2004 testimony before the United States Senate, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research she found that 56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.1 Another source, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, polled 350 divorce attorneys in 2003 where two thirds of them reported that the Internet played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases.

If these numbers are accurate, here's a very sobering statistic. Every year for the past decade there have been roughly 1 million divorces in the United States. If half of the people divorcing claim pornography as the culprit, that means there are 500,000 marriages annually that are failing due to pornography.

I am sure that many people will argue that there are other underlying issues in these marriages and that pornography is the symptom and not the root cause. I get it. It can't possibly be the porn because porn wasn't the reason given in the late 70's and early 80's when the divorce rate hit its peak. Back then wasn't it sex, money, and the kids? So it's not really the porn, right? It has to be the lack of sexual intimacy in the marriage or that the women are too cold and frigid. Or maybe it's because some women are overly sensitive and feel so threatened by it that they are putting their foot down and saying "me or the porn." There just has to be another reason besides the porn.

Wait...wait...what if it actually is the porn? ...

...My heart hurts for individuals caught in the web of pornography. When you see grown men crying in your office because they can't quit and when they tell you that porn is costing them everything, you quickly realize that pornography is not just a leisurely activity. Then, when you meet a woman who feels rejected, not good enough, and unloved by her partner because of porn, you want to change something about the way things are being done.

[northgagator]

My wife has a medical condition that makes sexual relations impossible.
I told her that our vows were for "in sickness and in health" and that I will not go into the arms of another woman.
This condition came unto her four years ago and I have not nor will I stray.
I do admit that I do take advantage of porn and self pleasuring to fill in a void and to release those manly urges. I keep this activity to my self and i do not let her know. Somethings are best left unsaid. She knows what I do but she does not say anything. I guess it is because I am still loyal to her.

[FrankGator627]

I'm a 28 yr old male and I have no idea why people enjoy watching porn. I'm not saying I haven't watched porn or anything like that.

However, in the past year, I don't think I've watched porn at all. Honestly, I think it has been a couple years since I watched a porno.

[oldgator]

just glad my wife enjoys porn as much as I do.

There are a lot of people who get married without getting to know their future spouse. As a result a lot find out they didn't get who they expected to get.
---be it porn
---alcohol/drugs
---professional work goals
---preference in climate
---preference on where to live in regard to city, suburbia, or rural
---sports
---shopping
---sexual preferences
---in-laws
---number of children to have
---etc, etc, etc

[bakaduin]

Originally Posted by FrankGator627

I'm a 28 yr old male and I have no idea why people enjoy watching porn. I'm not saying I haven't watched porn or anything like that.

However, in the past year, I don't think I've watched porn at all. Honestly, I think it has been a couple years since I watched a porno.

You don't know why people enjoy porn? Because looking at nothing while you jerk it isn't nearly as efficient.

[ovillegator]

Originally Posted by lacuna

Thanks for all the responses. I don't know that there's an answer here for the husband looking to re-engage his wife's affection but it's interesting reading the various thoughts of all who responded.

I knew this girl when she was a child but haven't seen her much since she has grown up. I met the husband once, at their wedding a few years back. They appeared to be very happy and very much in love as I guess all couples do on their wedding day. I would never have believed this could happen to them.

I don't know much more about the situation other than the wife told her mother their love making was infrequent and unsatisfying for her. From what I've been reading this can be caused by porn addiction.

I mostly post in Too Hot and those who are familiar with my posts in that forum know I will research a topic that interests me to the ends of the earth to learn as much about it as I can. So I have been reading about porn addiction today and learned it is terribly damaging to people (women too, can be porn addicts) who are addicted and a threat to their marriages.

http://goodmenproject.com/health/how...your-marriage/

Always young. Always beautiful. Always new. Porn keeps dopamine surging in the brain. But at what point does chronic stimulation become chronic dissatisfaction?

If you’re married and using Internet porn regularly, your sex life—the one with your wife—is probably a lot less satisfying than it could be.

You probably know that from an evolutionary standpoint, a man is rewarded for spreading his seed. But your wedding vows have an evolutionary purpose, too: they increase the chances that your joint offspring will have two caregivers, thus improving the odds that your genes will survive.

Internet porn, it turns out, messes with both these instincts. The endless variety and overstimulation may initially help you get more excited during sex, but over time it has the opposite effect: porn can dull your ability to please, and be pleased by, your partner.

When free, streaming porn became available, psychiatrist Norman Doidge, in The Brain That Changes Itself, noticed something unsettling among his porn-using patients:

They reported increasing difficulty in being turned on by their actual sexual partners, spouses, or girlfriends, though they still considered them objectively attractive. When I asked if this phenomenon had any relationship to viewing pornography, they answered that it initially helped them get more excited during sex but over time had the opposite effect.

Today’s porn can dampen your sexual responsiveness to your partner by over-activating three brain mechanisms. First, an ancient biological program in the brain overrides natural satiety when there are lots of mates begging to be sexed. Your brain perceives each new individual on your screen as a valuable genetic opportunity. Second, too much stimulation can numb the pleasure response of the brain for a time, pumping up cravings for more novel stimuli. Therefore, a familiar mate—your spouse—appears less and less enticing. And finally, too much stimulation of the brain’s sex and mating circuitry obstructs the mammalian instinct toward monogamy.

The result? Indifference.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...iages-annually

Is Porn Really Destroying 500,000 Marriages Annually?
Is porn really the cause of 50% of all divorces?
Published on December 12, 2011 by Kevin B. Skinner, Ph.D. in Inside Porn Addiction

In a 2004 testimony before the United States Senate, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research she found that 56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.1 Another source, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, polled 350 divorce attorneys in 2003 where two thirds of them reported that the Internet played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases.

If these numbers are accurate, here's a very sobering statistic. Every year for the past decade there have been roughly 1 million divorces in the United States. If half of the people divorcing claim pornography as the culprit, that means there are 500,000 marriages annually that are failing due to pornography.

I am sure that many people will argue that there are other underlying issues in these marriages and that pornography is the symptom and not the root cause. I get it. It can't possibly be the porn because porn wasn't the reason given in the late 70's and early 80's when the divorce rate hit its peak. Back then wasn't it sex, money, and the kids? So it's not really the porn, right? It has to be the lack of sexual intimacy in the marriage or that the women are too cold and frigid. Or maybe it's because some women are overly sensitive and feel so threatened by it that they are putting their foot down and saying "me or the porn." There just has to be another reason besides the porn.

Wait...wait...what if it actually is the porn? ...

...My heart hurts for individuals caught in the web of pornography. When you see grown men crying in your office because they can't quit and when they tell you that porn is costing them everything, you quickly realize that pornography is not just a leisurely activity. Then, when you meet a woman who feels rejected, not good enough, and unloved by her partner because of porn, you want to change something about the way things are being done.

Too many people don't want to let the facts get in the way of their good time. But these are the facts.

[bakaduin]

Originally Posted by ovillegator

Too many people don't want to let the facts get in the way of their good time. But these are the facts.

Lol at using "facts" in one post and telling someone to go to "Christian counseling" in another. Because the Bible is just one big encyclopedia of facts right? LOL

[Spurffelbow833]

Originally Posted by bakaduin

You don't know why people enjoy porn? Because looking at nothing while you jerk it isn't nearly as efficient.

Funny thing is, before I started looking at porn, my imagination worked a heck of a lot better.