The Scourge of Porn

[Tebowism0823]

Originally Posted by ovillegator

They both need to sit down and watch the movie 'Fireproof'.

Then he needs to do the journal. She either will, or won't, respond.

And go to Christian counseling. They need a third party to get past the baggage they have both created.

The good news is, they can forgive and move past this, he can overcome his addiction, and they can have their sex life and their happy marriage back -- or maybe find it for the first time.

Fireproof is a very good movie. Fits this situation to a T!

[anstro76]

why the pub. we come here for the lighter side. and porn is welcome. sorry dudes got a problem and his wife stepped out on him, too hot maybe?

Sent from my mind using ESP

[Tebowism0823]

Originally Posted by anstro76

why the pub. we come here for the lighter side. and porn is welcome. sorry dudes got a problem and his wife stepped out on him, too hot maybe?

Sent from my mind using ESP

How's the single life serving you?

[anstro76]

it's great. first time i've been single in a long time...and loving every minute of it. but the question still remains why a buzzkill thread in the pub?

Sent from my mind using ESP

[malscott]

The guy has an addiction and the woman was insecure enough to allow it to send her into another mans arms? Unless she was heading there anyway- who knows the truth? I'm not sure what this has to do with it, but many, and I mean many women have a real hard time sexually connecting again after children. Sometimes there are all kinds of emotional things that come up that were never apparent before. Doesn't seem to be her problem though. In her case she could have gone out and got some because she was hurt, pissed or really didn't care enough about him to wait for him to get his act together. If she cared, she should have been grounded in alonon. She doesn't realise he's dealing with a disease. Sounds more than your usual spank session once in a while. She basically bailed on him when things got tough. She probably likens the porn to him porking some other babe. She's actually 'doing' the deed with someone else. sounds to me like this relationship was doomed from the get go. Not a very evolved couple, sorry. Poor kid. Dad's a sex addict and mom is out, already in bed with another guy. Kid is doomed. A real caring mom would put the focus on the kid rather than worry about having sex immediately. That's about all Dr. Malscott has to say about that! What a mess...God bless the child...hopefully they can stop serving themselves once in a while to care of that kid.

[lacuna]

Sorry for the buzz kill Anstro. I'm sure you will get over it.

The wife is a daughter of a good friend of mine who is crushed by what is happening in her daughter's marriage and she shared with me. The husband has admitted he has had an addiction to porn for more than 18 years. Both husband and wife are 37. The wife knew of his problem before they married but was "sure he would change."

The husband found out about the affair and threatened the other man with exposure to his wife. The other man is 45, has been married for 19 years and has 3 teenagers. He is not looking to divorce. The affair has ended.

The husband is crushed but loves his wife and wants to save the marriage. He does not want a divorce but told her he wants her to be happy and will accept it if that is what she wants. He is talking openly and freely to my friend and is looking for a way to reignite the spark they had when they were first dating. She asked me if I had any ideas and I thought the fertile minds of the Pub might come up with something.

[GatorAvatar]

The way the OP describes the poor fellas addiction to porn left me in stitches.

[wllmferg]

The suggestion that he "needs to get a grip" was also amusing but that's just me.

[oragator1]

Originally Posted by lacuna

Sorry for the buzz kill Anstro. I'm sure you will get over it.

The wife is a daughter of a good friend of mine who is crushed by what is happening in her daughter's marriage and she shared with me. The husband has admitted he has had an addiction to porn for more than 18 years. Both husband and wife are 37. The wife knew of his problem before they married but was "sure he would change."

The husband found out about the affair and threatened the other man with exposure to his wife. The other man is 45, has been married for 19 years and has 3 teenagers. He is not looking to divorce. The affair has ended.

The husband is crushed but loves his wife and wants to save the marriage. He does not want a divorce but told her he wants her to be happy and will accept it if that is what she wants. He is talking openly and freely to my friend and is looking for a way to reignite the spark they had when they were first dating. She asked me if I had any ideas and I thought the fertile minds of the Pub might come up with something.

It really does seem straight forward, again admittedly from the outside.
He has to work on his problem in a real and open way giving her a belief it will get better and giving her a reason to stay, and she has to be willing to go through the process with him in a way a supportive spouse who loves their S/O and believes in their vows should. If one side isn't willing to do their part, not a whole lot else matters? The root is trust and feelings of abandonment from what you have said, you can't "spark" your way through that or work around it, fix the core issue(s) and the spark will take care of itself. I do know some couples for whom couples therapy has worked, and even doing that would be a step in the right direction to at least see if it is fixable, if they haven't tried it already.

[LeafUF]

We are getting the females side of the story only here. The female who is maybe going out of her way to justify her affair with another married man.

If she were perfectly content with her husband she might not have had an affair but to put the blame of her infidelity squarely on her husband and his issues denies her own responsibility in the situation. They clearly have problems, porn addiction or not, if I were her husband I would be out of there.

[malscott]

Addiction is a problem. Ruins families, relationships, jobs...hope. Infedility also undermines a great deal. I guess some would say porn would be violating a relationship. Then again , I know a lot of couples that use porn as a part of their sex-life together. I'm 25 years sober, know a thing or two about addiction...(mostly know nothing though)if he doesn't get real help it'll never work. Inciduous disease. Can he forgive on top of that? What is his underlying problem? Takes years of work. Hardly ever is fixed by abstinence alone. Compulsive behavior is rooted back in the formative years. He has to accept (she does too) he;s afflcited with a disease. Does he drink too? How much cross-addicting is there? Very complex issues...I don't envy their situation, that's for sure. Professional help is the only answer for them. Alanon for her. Therapy for him. Obsessive compulsive behavior isn't easy to derail. But cognative therapy can help. Sex therapy might also help their relationship. But the issues are obviosly much deeper. Good luck with your pals...

[ACCecil]

There is always a chance the spark could rekindle in a relationship especially if they work together and just had a falling out. People say things when they are mad all the time and most of it they don't mean. An addiction to porn is a real problem but so are addictions to gambling, watching sports, flirting, sexting, texting, booze, etc.

They are all problems.

The real question is are they better together or better apart? They have a young child. Do they both work? Can one survive financially without the other?

The trust issue can be fixed. I know a lady I work with who divorced her hubby because he cheated. She is now basically completely alone in life. It is hard for me to judge from a distance but, from what I can tell, she isn't happier without him. I don't know why he "cheated" but I do know she doesn't exactly take care of herself physically. So was it really his fault for straying? I don't know. I'll put it this way too many people get hitched up and then let themselves go to hell in a hand basket and then get all shocked because their partners stray.

It ain't no mystery where I'm sitting.

But honestly, the whole concept of monogamy is a bit whacky IMHO. Its funny, I was just watching videos on youtube by searching wedding vows and some of them are beautiful!!! I'm a guy but I was practically in tears just watching people that much in love. And when they say these vows you really want to believe it. I know it is "wrong" to cheat but I can assure you I've met more than one person in my life I was attracted to.

This comes from a guy who has been married once and it has lasted for 19 great years so far. We've made it this far not because we were soul mates but mostly because we've accepted each other as we are at this point. We hardly fight anymore. We didn't throw in the towel the dozens of times we could have. We just stuck it out because at least one of us wouldn't give up when we had trouble. I think far too many couples cut and run wayyyyyy too easily.

And the two biggest reasons why people break up and (1) money problems and (2) infidelity. Both of which can be solved in my opinion especially if you have kids. If you don't have kids, okay, maybe, just cut and run.

[96Gatorcise]

Originally Posted by lacuna

It's wrecking marriages and families. Viewing it is not an innocent pastime.

A young couple of my acquaintance is on the verge of divorce because of the husband's addiction to porn. He has been going to a sex addicts anonymous program for the past 4 or 5 months but his wife began an affair last March because he was unable to fulfill his marital obligation to her due to his debilitating porn addiction. He just found out about his wife's affair and is willing to forgive her and continue in the marriage. She, however, says she no longer loves him and is strongly leaning towards ending their marriage. They have a 2 year old child.

Do you think it is possible for the spark that initially draws a couple together to be rekindled in the wife in such a situation? If so, how would the husband manage this? The husband has said he has every intention of ending his addiction and changing his life. He confesses he has viewed porn approximately 14 or 15 times since entering the sex addicts program last July but is determined he will conquer it. This is a radical change from his former daily habit. He's a courageous man and I believe he will do this for his young son if not for his failing marriage.

As sad as this situation is, it is not atypical. What is the answer?

so this guy has only looked at porn 15 times since July? that is like once a week, how is this a problem?
I must be a degenerate......

[bakaduin]

Originally Posted by 96Gatorcise

so this guy has only looked at porn 15 times since July? that is like once a week, how is this a problem?
I must be a degenerate......

Seriously lol.

[Tebowism0823]

Originally Posted by 96Gatorcise

so this guy has only looked at porn 15 times since July? that is like once a week, how is this a problem?
I must be a degenerate......

lol.....I have a feeling there are a lot of degenerates here

[gtr2x]

Sad for the kid.

Hard to see how this works out for the adults. Maybe its because I'm a guy, but I don't see porn addiction in the same league as an affair. Not impossible, but i dont see how you ever trust a cheater again. Maybe something just changed for the woman after she had the kid, who knows. Good luck to your friends, tho.

[Swampmaster]

to end the scourge, maybe the government should ban all porn

[jewood592]

HMMMM. He watches porn. She's "driven into the arms" of another man. Yep. It's his fault. She's not a whore!

[northgagator]

Originally Posted by 96Gatorcise

so this guy has only looked at porn 15 times since July? that is like once a week, how is this a problem?
I must be a degenerate......

If you count some of the commercials or shows on TV this guy (and a lot of us) have relapsed five to six times a night. I am referring to some of those Victoria Secret commercials and cable shows are pretty steamy.

[fairfaxgator]

We need more pics on the Thong, er...Babes with Thongs...er...Thongs on Babes...threads!