The Scourge of Porn

[lacuna]

It's wrecking marriages and families. Viewing it is not an innocent pastime.

A young couple of my acquaintance is on the verge of divorce because of the husband's addiction to porn. He has been going to a sex addicts anonymous program for the past 4 or 5 months but his wife began an affair last March because he was unable to fulfill his marital obligation to her due to his debilitating porn addiction. He just found out about his wife's affair and is willing to forgive her and continue in the marriage. She, however, says she no longer loves him and is strongly leaning towards ending their marriage. They have a 2 year old child.

Do you think it is possible for the spark that initially draws a couple together to be rekindled in the wife in such a situation? If so, how would the husband manage this? The husband has said he has every intention of ending his addiction and changing his life. He confesses he has viewed porn approximately 14 or 15 times since entering the sex addicts program last July but is determined he will conquer it. This is a radical change from his former daily habit. He's a courageous man and I believe he will do this for his young son if not for his failing marriage.

As sad as this situation is, it is not atypical. What is the answer?

[wllmferg]

What about personal responsibility? It's a sad story but if not porn it probably would have been something else that fed his addictive personality. Even faced with the loss of his marriage he's continued to surf the web.

[Tebowism0823]

They're both at fault. The husband for letting something like that control him and jeopardize his marriage. The wife for stepping outside her vowels and cheating. I feel the most for their child. He's asked for none of this and yet will be effected the most.

Can the spark be relit, that's a good question. I'd doubt it if she's already cheated and states she doesn't love him. What's sad is how people take vowels and families as a joke these days. Making a commitment is just something people say these days; they don't really mean it. I'll pray for the child.

[Tebowism0823]

Originally Posted by wllmferg

What about personal responsibility? It's a sad story but if not porn it probably would have been something else that fed his addictive personality. Even faced with the loss of his marriage he's continued to surf the web.

Exactly. That guys Pathetic IMO.

[G8trJasonB]

The OP is right. Porn addiction is not atypical these days with the relative ease in obtaining it. I know a lot of good people that have struggled with porn. There are no simple answers or quick fixes either. It takes hard work, dedication, and the support of loved ones, just like any other addiction.

[Spurffelbow833]

It is important to try to find out if you are sexually compatible before the notary public slaps on the cuffs. If a man wants it every day and twice on Sunday and his wife only once a week, there is going to be trouble.

[bakaduin]

People can get addicted to anything but I guess I see this as the exception not the rule. Number of men married and single who don't watch porn? I'd imagine a small minority. Number of those people addicted to it to the point of changing their marriage? I'd imagine not many.

[PIMking]

Originally Posted by wllmferg

What about personal responsibility? It's a sad story but if not porn it probably would have been something else that fed his addictive personality. Even faced with the loss of his marriage he's continued to surf the web.

He didn't just start going to town watching porn, His wife could of stopped having sex with him forcing him to go elsewhere for his needs and at least those needs are at home on a computer than someone else.

To me she is more at fault than him, she physically cheated on him with another person. I have never cheated on anyone and have been cheated on. I left her as soon as I found out and there wasn't a thing she could have done to stop that either since once they cheat they will always cheat or I will never be able to trust them if I wasn't around them.

I have a very short temper and the dude that she cheated on me with didn't fair too well, the bastard knew that she was with me and did it anyways.

The only thing that I hope they can do is be civil towards eachother and make sure that their child is the number one thing in their lives and that baby means everything.

[LeafUF]

I'm not sure I follow the reasoning here. So a husband watches porn and that wrecks a marriage yet a wife having an affair doesn't?

I don't know these people so I don't want to make assumptions or judgments on their relationship but it seems that there were other things going on here than just a husband watching porn.

[PIMking]

To me the husband isn't innocent but he went conventional war and she went nuclear

[oragator1]

Almost anything has addicts...food, the Internet, video games, plastic surgery, tattoos, shopping etc etc etc.
The question is how someone faces and deals with their addiction, and how those around them support them when they are trying to change. Without knowing more about this couple it sounds like they both failed.

[gatorjjh]

sad story with no 'good' resolution, once one member has closed the curtain on a relationship it is time to look for the best of a menu of bad answers, at a minimum both must put the child first in their decisions as separate adults co-parenting a small child. She has moved on and he needs to clean up his addiction and get on with his life as a single parent. Playing the blame game does no one any good. Each member should try to compartmentalize the hurt, work on dissipating it and be sure it does not shade decisions involving the child's well being.

[bakaduin]

Originally Posted by lacuna

It's wrecking marriages and families. Viewing it is not an innocent pastime.

A young couple of my acquaintance is on the verge of divorce because of the husband's addiction to porn. He has been going to a sex addicts anonymous program for the past 4 or 5 months but his wife began an affair last March because he was unable to fulfill his marital obligation to her due to his debilitating porn addiction. He just found out about his wife's affair and is willing to forgive her and continue in the marriage. She, however, says she no longer loves him and is strongly leaning towards ending their marriage. They have a 2 year old child.

Do you think it is possible for the spark that initially draws a couple together to be rekindled in the wife in such a situation? If so, how would the husband manage this? The husband has said he has every intention of ending his addiction and changing his life. He confesses he has viewed porn approximately 14 or 15 times since entering the sex addicts program last July but is determined he will conquer it. This is a radical change from his former daily habit. He's a courageous man and I believe he will do this for his young son if not for his failing marriage.

As sad as this situation is, it is not atypical. What is the answer?

I love how this is phrased. They are getting a divorce because of his addiction...not because of her having an affair. That gets buried later in the paragraph.

[ajoseph]

Why was he watching porn with regularity to begin with? Maybe the wife fell out of love and lost interest? Or was it because of the newborn and the impact gut the child has on their sex life? Or,does the guy just like watching non-stop porn?

[romeg8r]

The guy should get a grip.

And the woman is just wrong.

[ovillegator]

They both need to sit down and watch the movie 'Fireproof'.

Then he needs to do the journal. She either will, or won't, respond.

And go to Christian counseling. They need a third party to get past the baggage they have both created.

The good news is, they can forgive and move past this, he can overcome his addiction, and they can have their sex life and their happy marriage back -- or maybe find it for the first time.

[SkyChimp]

We love the female body and its how we are wired. Him looking at porn doesn't justify her getting stuffed by another man in bed. You're damaged goods now lady. ;-)

[LoyalGatorFan]

I'll be honest with you guys here....I currently watch porn...I have for years..however to me its more of a hobby than a necessity...I don't watch it when I am in a relationship as I focus all my "energy" on my girlfriend and don't really need to be satisfied that way since I have a girl to do those things...whether or not it can be addicting or not is up for debate I suppose...I know some couples who actually watch it together to help get them in the mood....

[LeafUF]

If things ever got to the point where I preferred porn to a girlfriend that relationship was already over whether I knew it or not. This is obviously not the same as being married with a child but it may speak to a couple that possibly wasn't as compatible as they needed to be for that level of commitment.

[gatordee]

Originally Posted by Tebowism0823

They're both at fault. These for letting something like that control him and jeopardize his marriage. The wife for stepping outside her vowels and cheating. I feel the most for their child. He's asked for none of this and yet will be effected the most.

[color="Red"]Can the spark be relit, that's a good question. I'd doubt it if she's already cheated and states she doesn't love him. What's sad is how people take vowels and families as a joke these days. Making a commitment is just something people say these days; they don't really mean it. I'll pray for the child.

This. I believe the chances are very slim on her changing her mind.This is the other problem. People in addiction or whatever it may be that is causing them to stop paying attention to their spouse, do not realize how much damage they have caused their relationship until it is too late. But you never know.