02-26-2013, 12:00 AM
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#201
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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A Blonde walks into the post office to send a package. The postmaster tells her, "This package is too heavy, you'll need another stamp." And the Blonde replies, "How would that make it lighter?"
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03-01-2013, 12:10 AM
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#202
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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The Time Cure
John says to his doctor: "Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for about half an of hour. Then I'm OK."
The doctor listens and then tells John: "Then wait for half an hour before getting up."
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03-01-2013, 11:03 PM
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#203
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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In Poland they tell FSU jokes! 
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03-07-2013, 12:51 AM
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#204
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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A woman phoned her dentist when she received a very large bill from him. "I'm shocked," she said. "This is three times the amount that you normally charge me!"
"Yes it is," the dentist said. "But you yelled so loudly while I was treating you that you scared away two other patients of mine!"
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03-08-2013, 12:27 AM
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#205
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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Co-workers of a lady sympathized with her when she mentioned that her back was in a lot of pain from moving furniture at her home.
"Why don't you wait until your husband gets home?" one of them asked. "I could," she said. "But the couch will be easier to move if he's not on it."
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03-08-2013, 12:38 AM
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#206
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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"Can you help me find a match for this sock," a man asked his wife.
"What for?" she answered. Are you going to set it on fire?"
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03-08-2013, 10:56 PM
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#207
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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A man had a very important court appearance. Everything had to go just right or he would have some very big problems. He had to be in Court by 10:00 A.M. the next day.
In the morning he thought he was off to an early, good start. But the traffic was horrible on the Interstate. And then when he finally arrived at the parking lot by the Courthouse, he could not find a parking space!
He kept going back and forth, back and forth, down all the parking rows. But he just could not find an empty space!
So he looked at his watch and it was now 9:50 A.M. And he was desperate! So much so that he decided to bow his head and say a little prayer. "Dear God, this is very important. If you will provide me with a parking place I promise to start going back to Church next Sunday."
So he opened eyes and amazingly there was an empty parking place right in front of him!
So he looked up, and said, "Never mind God, I found one!"
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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03-13-2013, 02:27 AM
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#208
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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Two guys had been sitting at a Bar together drinking several beers.
One of them pointed to a couple of old drunks sitting across the Bar and said to his buddy, "That's us in 10 years!"
"That's a mirror, you Idiot!", replied the other guy.
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03-13-2013, 02:59 AM
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#209
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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More Stuff!
What Americans in 1970 felt was necessary to have compared to Americans in 2000!
A 2nd Car.
1970 20%
2000 59%
2nd TV.
1970 3%
2000 45%
More than 1 phone.
1970 2%
2000 78%
Car with A/C
1970 11%
2000 65%
Dishwasher
1970 8%
2000 44%
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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03-13-2013, 08:56 PM
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#210
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A Glass Half Full Gator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Irvine, Fl
Posts: 24,812
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would love to see the comparison to this year
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03-13-2013, 11:01 PM
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#211
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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Yes, no doubt the numbers for 2013 would be much higher than 2000. We are in a time when so many have so much stuff!
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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03-29-2013, 11:03 PM
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#212
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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Advice to younger Gators:
"Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional."
"We do not stop playing because we are old. We grow old because we stop playing."
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-09-2013, 11:49 PM
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#213
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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Two old guys were sitting in a reading room in a retirement home.
One old guy said to the other, "How do you really feel? You just turned 72 and I'm curious how you honestly feel?"
And the other old guy replied, "Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair. Got no teeth. And I just wet myself."
****
Come to think of it. Maybe I should have made that old guy's age 82 and not 72!
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-12-2013, 12:02 AM
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#214
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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A blind man walked into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?" The blind man replied "Just looking around."
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-13-2013, 12:47 AM
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#215
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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USA Today Snapshots 4.9.2013
Weddings Gone Wrong
Nearly 25% Of Wedding Insurance Claims In 2012 Involved Vender Problems. Breakdown Of Vender Mishaps.
58% Photo/Video
21% Caterer
11% DJ
5% Wedding Planner
5% Other
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-18-2013, 03:49 AM
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#216
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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Remembering the Victims of the Boston Marathon bombings.
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-18-2013, 02:35 PM
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#217
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-21-2013, 05:50 PM
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#218
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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COLORS Of The Age
GOLD In The Teeth
SILVER In The Hair
LEAD In The Pants
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-23-2013, 01:42 AM
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#219
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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USA Today Snapshots 4/21/2013
Oh Oh !
More Female Licensed Drivers Than Male Licensed Drivers In 2011
Women
Men
1991 48.7% 51.3%
2001 49.9% 50.1 %
2011 50.5% 49.5% .
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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04-26-2013, 10:28 PM
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#220
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lakeland, Florida USA
Posts: 36,983
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USA Today Snapshots 4.23.2013
Which Facial Features Do Women Play Up The Most?
66% Eyes
50% Eyelashes
49% Lips
__________________
Saturday, May 18, 2013. Armed Forces Day U.S.A.
Always thankful for the magnificent Men and Women who have served, and are serving, in the U.S. Military.
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