Location: Wherever I am I doing fine. I am here for a good not a long time.
Posts: 12,602
Can we please stop with all the fraternity hating here? Seriously, frat guys arent just sexual predators looking to roofie your daughters. I was in a fraternity, all my friends were in fraternities and none of us would ever do such a thing. Not to say there arent guys in faternities who would but those same guys would probably do those things whether they are in frats or not. They would just do it at an apt party or a bar.
Can we please stop with all the fraternity hating here? Seriously, frat guys arent just sexual predators looking to roofie your daughters. I was in a fraternity, all my friends were in fraternities and none of us would ever do such a thing. Not to say there arent guys in faternities who would but those same guys would probably do those things whether they are in frats or not. They would just do it at an apt party or a bar.
If it would make you feel better, I'd also be concerned if she was hanging out with gang bangers.
Any female hanging out with a bunch of college age guys, likely with alcohol and other intoxicants involved, had better know those guys and the surroundings very damn well, or she's taking a big chance.
Location: Wherever I am I doing fine. I am here for a good not a long time.
Posts: 12,602
Quote:
Originally Posted by OaktownGator
If it would make you feel better, I'd also be concerned if she was hanging out with gang bangers.
Any female hanging out with a bunch of college age guys, likely with alcohol and other intoxicants involved, had better know those guys and the surroundings very damn well, or she's taking a big chance.
No, equating a fraternity member to a gang member does not make me feel better. Over my four and half years at UF I lived my fraternity house for about three and there were plenty of girls who hung out a lot. None of them were raped or drugged or had any harm come to them at all.
The rest of what you say is true though it basically includes just about any social situation. Concert, bar, night club, frat party, house party, no matter where you are or who you are around you need to be smart. You aren't going to know everyone or everything when you are out socializing but you can go with friends and be smart.
Can we please stop with all the fraternity hating here? Seriously, frat guys arent just sexual predators looking to roofie your daughters. I was in a fraternity, all my friends were in fraternities and none of us would ever do such a thing. Not to say there arent guys in faternities who would but those same guys would probably do those things whether they are in frats or not. They would just do it at an apt party or a bar.
So if frat guys arent just sexual predators looking to roofie your daughters, what are these sexual predators looking to do
Hanging at the Frat house is the thing that sounds most concerning from my POV.
I guess this just follows up on the exchange you had with rpm regarding open drinks, but even if she is lesbian, guys with roofies (sp?) or whatever the date rape drug of choice currently is, won't care too much about her preference.
In addition to watching her drinks (and food), I'd just try to make sure someone she trusts and will listen to, has her eyes open to the risks there, and she remember to choose her friends and surroundings wisely. That can run counter to the experimental nature of that stage in your life, but it's really critical.
Glad to hear she's a mature girl and not too easily impressed with the guys around her. Good sign for sure.
The one thing that's encouraging is that she travels with a decent sized posse. I suspect they all look after each other, except for the one who thought it was a good idea to do shrooms and go to the Nutcracker.
The frat house novelty will probably fade with each year, especially when she reaches drinking age. My only issue with those places is the lack of security and supervision that a dorm, bar or even apartment complex would have. Boys will be boys, especially when no one is there to stop them.
Like I said, I don't have a problem with the men who are in fraternities. It's the environment and the kind of things that tend to happen when no single person is in charge of the safety and security of the individuals inside the house. I was in a fraternity myself. There were few instances where very drunk women had sex with more than one brother. There were fights at our parties that took longer to break up than they would at a bar. One person was seriously injured falling from a balcony during a party. A few years later, someone else fell from a balcony resulting in a fatal injury.
On the plus side, if my daughter did get impregnated at an MIT frat party, wouldn't that be like winning the genetic lottery?
might I suggest you talk with your rabbi on this matter.
I'm not Jewish. But what I've observed over the years, rabbis tend to be very practical in their understanding/helpfulness in regard to 'secular' matters. And that seems to be one of the traits that has seen the religion survive the thousands of years and weather changes in societies, etc.
As an RN--I'd advocate her going to a OBGYN just so she can start health care in regards to such things as mammograms, checkups regarding cancer of reproductive system. And to get some knowledge as opposed to myths from a qualified person.
as a father and husband(our daughter graduated a few years ago from UF and got married in college and now has a young son). Some talks(especially those related to sex) worked best for our family when my wife and I sit down together with our daughter. Main thing to do just before having one of those talks is to do the two following things.
---take a few moments to remember what we were like at her age
---realize that times change and way she sees things may not be the same as her mom did when her mom was younger
---say a prayer(ie serenity prayer or some other prayer that lends itself to calmness and being of help to others)
---breath deep and count to ten before entering the room
This thread is my nightmare... I participated in far too many fratty shenanigans in my day. I'm screwed. Trying to convince the wife to adopt boys right now, not even worth the risk!
Fathers of daughters... I do not know how you do it! Especially you, Kurt, with those bombshell dazzler daughters.. unimaginable.. lol
might I suggest you talk with your rabbi on this matter.
I'm not Jewish. But what I've observed over the years, rabbis tend to be very practical in their understanding/helpfulness in regard to 'secular' matters. And that seems to be one of the traits that has seen the religion survive the thousands of years and weather changes in societies, etc.
As an RN--I'd advocate her going to a OBGYN just so she can start health care in regards to such things as mammograms, checkups regarding cancer of reproductive system. And to get some knowledge as opposed to myths from a qualified person.
as a father and husband(our daughter graduated a few years ago from UF and got married in college and now has a young son). Some talks(especially those related to sex) worked best for our family when my wife and I sit down together with our daughter. Main thing to do just before having one of those talks is to do the two following things.
---take a few moments to remember what we were like at her age
---realize that times change and way she sees things may not be the same as her mom did when her mom was younger
---say a prayer(ie serenity prayer or some other prayer that lends itself to calmness and being of help to others)
---breath deep and count to ten before entering the room
I could certainly talk to my rabbi who has been a great resource for me in recent years. She might know a thing or two about this subject, being a single mom of a 20 year-old daughter. She could probably share some great wisdom, none of which I could share with my daughter. Maybe I just need it for myself.
Being a father of 2 teenage girls...I would rather them be on the pill in college rather than them get pregnant. You don't hang out at frat houses a lot and keep your pants on.
Being a father of 2 teenage girls...I would rather them be on the pill in college rather than them get pregnant. You don't hang out at frat houses a lot and keep your pants on.
Thanks Dadx4x2. I think the reason she hangs out at frat houses is because they are there, literally right on her block and then more on the next block and even more right across the river.
we started out early getting them grounded in their Faith-then we constantly stressed decisions have consequences and that bad decisions are usually accompanied with bad consequences- I also told them about boys like I was and that the line if you loved me you would let me is total BS and that if a boy every said you cannot leave me in this condition to not worry-it would go away on its own
we also put them on the pill before they entered college(except for our 17 year old who is still in high school)
we did not allow them to date until they were 16 and then the boy had to come and meet me and talk with me prior to (and not on the night of) their first date-the last thing I said to every boy on the first meeting was-"if you do anything to her you shouldn't do then that is exactly what I am going to do to you". One kid got a little mouthy with me and there was no date EVER for him-I ran into his mother at Publix about 2 weeks after this incident and she asked me why I would not allow my then 16 year old to go out with her son-I told her exactly what I said and exactly what he said-she merely said oh and that was the end of it-until the next Friday night when he came up to me at the football game and apologized-I still did not allow them to go out
when ever they went anywhere I would always say- "remember life is about decisions and bad decisions are usually accompanied with bad consequences". My 17 year old rolls her eyes but she always says yes sir-the rest are doing just fine in their lives. I am a blessed man
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