Poopy Pants Not A Problem for Adam Lane

We should probably begin this article with a disclaimer. Even though the headline makes it pretty clear as to our topic of discussion, some will look right past that.

We’re talking about poop; or more specifically, about someone pooping their pants.

Now if you’re one of those people that just see this as a normal bodily function apart of life, then read on for one of your more interesting stories today.

If, however, you’re one of those that believe angels come and take it away at night, then you should probably stop right here. You don’t want to go any further. Trust me.

Now that that’s taken care off…

There aren’t many elegant journalistic ways to talk about someone having an accident in their pants. You can dress it up, give it scientific terminology, and sidestep the actual act for only so long. At the end of the day, it is what it is. So let’s start with the facts.

Adam Lane is a running back for the Florida Gators and will begin the 2015 season for Jim McElwain as a redshirt sophomore.

He played sparingly during his first year of action, with three carries versus Vanderbilt and five against Eastern Kentucky.

It wasn’t until the Florida Gators bowl game against East Carolina that Lane really burst on the scene.

Adam Lane runs off the field after an accident/Screenshot from ESPN
Adam Lane runs off the field after an accident/Screenshot from ESPN

During that game he had 16 carries for 109 yards, 1 touchdown and 1 laundry change.

On the first play of the second quarter, Lane ran it in for a two-yard touchdown…and then he just kept right on running. He ran out of the endzone, down the sideline, past Keanu Neal who’s facial expression says he knew (or smelt) exactly what was going on, and kept up a jog as some foreseeing assistant coach wrapped a towel around his waist.

You see at some point during his short touchdown run, the excitement built up for Lane and it really only had one exit strategy.

Unfortunately for Adam, the Gators were wearing their white pants that day and there was no brown paint on the field. And the stain was in a particular spot. It didn’t take long for social media to figure out what happened.

Since our grandmothers would have scolded most of us if we mentioned someone pooping their pants, no one dared mention it to Adam himself. Until now that is.

Mark Long of the AP took the opportunity following the Gators spring practice on March 25 to ask Lane about the situation. As soon as it become evident what the conversation was concerning, reporters (myself included) couldn’t help but to drift away from Kelvin Taylor, and key in on what Lane was saying.

The young back noticed he was garnering a bigger audience, and instead of shying away from the topic, he embraced it. He embraced it in the same way he says he’s embracing the actual occurrence.

“It was the best thing that could have happened,” said Lane.

Back up, back up; “it was the best thing”? Really?

“It got a lot of attention and just put me in a place where I was out there publicly and people knew who I was.”

Any publicity is good publicity basically. But the baptism by fire didn’t get too hot according to Lane.

“I really didn’t get a lot of grief from it. A lot of people were really more focused on how well I did in the game than anything. I feel like it was that way because I embraced it.”

Keanu Neal reacts to Adam Lane after an accident/Screenshot from ESPN
Keanu Neal reacts to Adam Lane after an accident/Screenshot from ESPN

Lane says nothing like that has every happened to him before, so he wasn’t quite sure how to act, but instead of fighting it (because really, at that point, what else was there to fight) he decided instead to go with it.

“Even running off the field after it happened, I waved at the crowd after I ran off to go change. And I waved when I came back.”

Florida Gator fans will now get to see him make another comeback, this time in fresher pants, and back in the Swamp this fall. Lane is currently battling for the starter position, with his main competition being Kelvin Taylor.

Although Adam says with McElwain’s game plan, everyone will contribute to the committee.

“At the end of the day, it’s all about winning. I really, really focus [on that]. At the end of the day, we’re both going to get a lot of carries. That’s our thing. We’re going to try to run teams off the field. To do that, we’re going to have to have a big group of backs to go out and contribute.”

Lane describes himself as a “get in the hole and hit somebody” back but is hoping his slimmer frame will help to the contribution.

Last season he weighed in at 222 but says he’s currently hitting 215.

“Me being lighter, I feel a lot quicker and a lot more powerful and more explosive.”

Then again, we’d probably all feel lighter and more explosive after a massive explos…NO, NOPE, NOT GOING TO GO THERE.

In all actuality, after the “incident”, Lane had 12 carries for 46 yards (avg. 3.83).

Before the accident, he had four carries, all on the same drive, totaling 68 yards and ending in the touchdown. Hey, maybe he just had somewhere to go.

Since I know I’ll never have another opportunity to share this in a story, I feel I must tell a story (read: joke) that I heard years ago.

There once was a fearless sea captain. He never backed down from a battle, and with a steely strength, he guided his men to victory each time.

One day, during one of his first routes as captain, the lookout in the crow’s nest yelled down, “One pirate ship on the horizon.”

The captain turned to his first mate and said, “Bring me me sword, and me red shirt.”

The mate did so, and the captain led his men to an easy victory.

A few days later, the lookout called down, “Three pirate ships on the horizon.”

The captain turned to his first mate and said, “Bring me me sword, and me red shirt.”

The mate did so, and the ship went into battle outnumbered three to one, but came away victorious.

The next day, the lookout yelled down with a slight tremor, “Five pirate ships on the horizon.”

The captain turned to his first mate and said, “Bring me me sword, and me red shirt.”

The mate did so, and though it was close at times, the captain was able to lead his men to yet another victory.

Afterwards, the first mate found the captain and asked, “Cap, I can understand why I need to bring you your sword, but why do you always ask for a red shirt?”

The captain replied, “If I’m shot or stabbed, I don’t want the enemy to know I’m bleeding, because then they will try to take advantage of my weakness.”

A week later, the lookout scrambled down to the deck and yelled, “Ten pirate ships on the horizon.”

With a calmness that had steered them through so many battles before, the captain turned to his first mate and said, “Bring me me sword and me red shirt…and me brown pants.”

As the season draws near, Lane is ready to do battle with whatever team he is facing and with whatever task is asked of him. He may need a stockpile of pants ready to go with that (here’s hoping they’re the blue ones) but Adam Lane doesn’t really care. He just wants to win.

*At around 0:30 you see a coach start to try wrapping a towel around Lane. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txi7Df4zNdw

Kassidy Hill
Born into a large family of sports fanatics and wordsmiths alike, sports journalism came natural to Kassidy. It’s more than a passion; it’s simply a part of who she is. Hailing from Alabama in the midst of typical Iron Bowl family, she learned very quickly just how deep ties in the SEC could run. She came to Gainesville after college to pursue a degree as television sports reporter but quickly realized she missed writing. She’s excited to now marry the two aspects for Gator fans. She loves Jesus, her daddy and football; wants to be Billy Donovan’s best friend and firmly believes that offensive lineman are the best people on earth. Follow her on Twitter @KassidyGHill