I am nearly positive that it is now a proven scientific fact that we as a society must check Instagram before going to bed each night, as soon as we wake up in the morning, at lunch, bathroom breaks, red lights and whenever our teacher/boss starts to drone on about something that’s not nearly as important as what our second cousin cooked for her anniversary dinner.
To truly take advantage of the portal which Instagram offers us, we must learn to perfect the art of “Instagram Stalking”.
This phrase is interchangeable with all forms of social media, per se, but there are certain nuances that accompany the virtual Polaroid pin board.
Search for hashtags to see things relating to certain teams, events and weddings.
When checking the news page, take a peek at the left tab to see what pictures the people you follow are liking.
But for the love of all that is good in the world, remember the proper scroll technique. When Instagram stalking, you will many times find yourself in a black hole that has spit you up on a picture that was posted 62 weeks ago. If you don’t have the scroll down pat, you’ll undoubtedly get frustrated and try scrolling too fast which results in an accidental double-tap. You have now liked a picture from over a year ago, it’s probably going to be of something unimportant like their car getting washed and now you’re out of luck because you’ve been caught stalking red-handed.
I promise this all has a point because we’re going to do a little Instagram stalking ourselves right now.
The profile in question is for Geoff Collins (username: coachcollins), the newest defensive coordinator for the Florida Gator football team.
Sophomore BUCK linebacker Alex McCalister actually receives all the credit for this idea.
When asked if he knew anything about his new DC, McCalister admitted no but, “I seen him on Instagram, and he seemed cool.”
So to be clear Alex, you Instagram stalked your new coach?
“Yeah. He’s cool. He’s like a normal guy. I hope he controls his own Instagram. He seems like he’s into it, he’s fun. I can’t wait to meet him.”
Collins is in fact, very into it. He has posted 531 times at the time of this writing, and has 3.8K followers.
Since it seemed to work for Alex, we took a stroll through Collins Instagram as well to see what Gator fans could find out about their new DC.
This is Collins grandmother who on one particular Wednesday, he dubbed his #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday).
From this we can surmise he is:
- Up on today’s trends, therefore in a position to better connect to his players.
- A loyal family man who loves his grandmother. That’s precious.
- A fan of funny pictures involving longhorns. Pictures on longhorns sticking their tongues out at the camera should always be encouraged.
This is the theme of a large number of Collins post. He shares a lot of pictures with graphics tooting stats and players. When guys like McCalister and others see this, they know that their coach is going to brag on them; the football coach equivalent of a proud parent riding around with a “My child is an honor student” bumper sticker. This tells them that Collins is a guy who not only sees coaching as a job but a huge part of his life. His players are not quite as important as the longhorn riding Grandma, but they’re probably close.
Gator fans can also get excited about the specific graphic here. Miss. St. defense is in fact first in the nation in Red-Zone defense, allowing opponents to score .600 average. Comparatively, Florida finished the 2014 regular season allowing opponents to score an .833 average.
The first thing we notice about this picture is the precious little girl taking a very good nap. Once we move past the jealousy accompanying that, we see three Mississippi State defensive players literally lounging in their coaches office. Time to bring back the list.
- His players feel extremely comfortable around him. Enough so to even bring what we can only presume is family.
- His office operates on seemingly an open door policy which tells the athletes ‘You can come to me at any time’.
- They look like they’re having fun. Fun is good.
Collins calls his defense “Psycho Defense” and he likes to implement the phrase into as many areas of his life as possible…even his music choices. K.I.S.S. seems to fit that bill. This will certainly earn Collins some clout with rocker Gator fans.
He apparently likes to coach from the press box. Fans always seem to want to know where these guys coach from. So there you go.
These are just the high points; five quick looks into the (social) life of Geoff Collins. GatorCountry has much more content concerning Collins on the field style (McCalister said he couldn’t find that on Collins Instagram), so browse around to check it out.
For now though, we know a little more about the man who calls himself “The Minister of Mayhem”. Let your education continue to evolve through every lunch, red light and boring work meeting as a true Instagram Stalker.